Human beings are more or less helpful beings; but, some people really need to learn the difference between who feels low when life really hits them hard with everything that questions their existence and survival AND who feels low when their Ego is shattered into tiny pieces. People maybe helpful but helping the latter kind of people is always a waste of energy. Your goodness is not deserved by everyone. Learn to see the difference.
HOW TO KNOW WHICH OF THESE TWO KINDS YOU ARE DEALING WITH??
Well, that’s a very tough thing to decipher when you have had no to little experience with someone or you have dealt with them only on the surface level. It’s the easiest way to fool others by making them see what one wants to show them.
1. TRY TO KNOW ABOUT THEIR BAD EXPERIENCES: You may try to know the person you are dealing with by trying to know about their worst experiences and how they behaved during those experiences. If it’s something quite average that we all go through from day to day life, and they make a really big deal about it, then you need to consider their age, educational level, and family background as well, because different people have different emotional and mental threshold to feel painful experiences. If it’s really something quite common, and they behave like it’s unbearable, then it’s not your problem and it’s not your duty to make them feel better all the time. They should learn how to behave normal or seek professional help, not your shoulder to cry on, all the time.
2. NOTICE THEIR SELF-EVALUATION– How a person evaluates himself/herself says a lot about him/her. A person who over-evaluates themselves most of the times, like they are really doing something special or unique when you can see that it’s quite ordinary or maybe, just above average, then, they definitely have superiority complex. The same person may act like a miserable one just to prove themselves as someone extra-ordinary, when they cannot prove themselves so by doing something positive (do consider the average or hard experiences level here). Again, such a person does not deserve attention under such circumstances. Most probably, they are addicted to attention, and in both- always either the hero or the victim, they just want to grab attention of people around them. Most of the real Trauma-Bound People cannot even talk about their bad experiences or they talk about them out of the blue when triggered. It’s rarely something calculated or structured for them, until and unless they are healed to a good extent. But, a healed person will not seek attention, he/she talk about it to heal others, rather than to seek attention. Moreover, a trauma-bound person finds it quite difficult to even ask for help or show their traumatic self usually, it just shows in their behaviour abruptly (You may confirm this from any psychologist), it’s an addicted attention-seeker who will try to gain sympathy every now and them by hyping up about their “Traumatised Self” which actually becomes very heroic the time they have an upper hand over someone else.
3. OBSERVE HOW THEY REACT TO SOMEONE’S ABUNDANCE AND ADVERSITY– The really traumatised person will have empathy for others. Even if any of their enemy would be in a similar situation, they can relate to it and feel the pain or they may try to uplift someone who has had gone through a rough patch in life. The latter kind of a person will be quite satisfied in the adversity of somebody else and envious whenever someone feels or looks prosperous. Period. A person with both inferiority and superiority complexes in extreme is more or less a narcissistic person who cannot see someone else doing well in life, and would always like to Look like the better one in from of other people anyhow. The latter kind would mostly like to gather a bunch of people around to seek attention or validation from them all the time, so as to look down upon someone against whom they have envy, that too to give them a message that they have the back of many people and are liked by many. They will anyhow gather people around to triangulate themselves with another person sub-consciously. You Will Be Used By That Narcissist for Triangulation without you even knowing about it.
4. TRUST YOUR GUT INSTINCT-YOU CAN FEEL IT: Just in case you are connected to your true self and have observed the behaviour and the vibes of someone closely, you may tell the difference between these two kinds of people. The former will feel closed off most of the times having high walls around them, the latter will feel like they are imposing themselves on you, directly or indirectly, or are trying to get something out of you in any way. You can really feel it. Your gut instinct will never be wrong. Listen to it and act accordingly.
In the end, I can only say that there is a very thin line between these two kinds of people, just like it’s difficult to know the difference between an Empath and a Narcissist, it’s difficult to know the difference between these two kinds of people. You can feel, observe and tell the difference by yourself, and then act accordingly. Your time and energy is very precious, thus, you need to be cautious about what and to whom you have to give your attention, as it is said that ‘wherever awareness goes, energy flows’.
Thank you so much for reading the post. I hope that you do well in life. Take care. We will talk about a new topic the next time.