A good life partner is someone almost everybody desires at some point of his/her life. The definition of a ‘good life partner‘ is something subjective to every person, and so is about who ideally the right one. But what is that common characteristic trait or pattern that you should really seek in a life partner and how can you identify the same? Let’s discuss it here in depth-
A good test of knowing who is the right one for you is that the wrong one will keep you stuck or bring your ego (rational part of consciousness) to your id level i.e. seduction, sex, jealousy, vengeance, anger, insignificant or one-sided or two or multi-faceted competition, aggression, physical neediness and desires. That actually is already in you by birth, which is later on suppressed due to development of healthy ego (rationality). It does not need to be evoked by someone else. If a person evokes any of these desires in you more than you need to, then that person is not the right one for you, because if you stay inclined to this state of mind for the majority of span of time or energy, then you can barely do something that your super-ego wants you to do.
Specially when you have developed knowledge of your own super-ego i.e. your morals, values, principles, what makes you feel guilty, conscientiousness, etc., and you live in this realm most of the time, then it is difficult for you to shift your energy towards id. Release of id is also important but the right person for you will never drive you in that state forcefully and will not behave in such a way that brings your focus (ego’s work) to id every now and then, with fluctuations in his/her own behaviour.
This analysis is just a small portion of the whole criteria that one can set for recognizing the right partner for them. We will discuss more later on.
Ever thought how weak and petty we as a whole of existing generations have become? We get depressed on very minor things, that too very soon. You did not get good marks, a job, some money, got rejected, felt unloved or did not get a specific desired result in any realm of life, you just drop your whole vibe instantly.
Why? Don’t you think that you have become really weak mentally? Is life all about this petty stuff? Do you ever get out of the things that only serve you? Why so much of selfishness? I know we are all selfish and must be to some extent but what I observe is that we are too selfish to be tolerated by others. In the ancient and medieval times, our ancestors worked so hard, that too, for the betterment of human beings as a whole. They lived for themselves for sure, they too were selfish, but not as much as we have become. They were very strong people. There were great difficulties in their life. There was little to no knowledge of medicine(allopathy), no technology, little to no communication outside one’s tribe; they had to fight even for basic neccessities of life. We are in comparison to them manifolds privileged yet manifolds petty mentally. Their mental strength was commendable, capable of breaking mountains which they literally did. For us? who find it difficult to drive a car or bike or anything for a couple of hours. Sometimes even picking up a tv remote is too difficult. We have evolved into lazy, procrastinating, weak people. Not all, but a large majority of people is.This really exasperates me because we are not even soft. Many of us won’t mind even killing somebody for serving their selfish motives, if it was legal. Our minds play tricks on us and it’s not about a few people only, our collective consciousness has grown weaker with time. Soft by heart yet strong by mind is something really commendable (though heart pumps only blood, but I had to use it as a clichè.) We don’t move with purpose, we move on adopted patterns of society. There are bigger things that we are too afraid of doing, because they involve a mass of people who cannot give us anything in return and we don’t want to do something which does not serve us. Even if we do, we do it to show it to others that how helpful we are. Moreover, people have become so delicate mentally that whenever they go through any emotionally chaotic situation and they, more or less, have to go through it because nothing can be done about it, they think or say that they survived. I really want to ask them what they survived actually?? There were times in history when the words “I survived” were used to describe survival of human beings in jungles having no food, clothing or shelter, and the survival during wars, drought, flood, plague, holocaust, etc. In the contemporary times, when we are way too privileged than our previous generations, people say that they survived only when they have to go through even a single failure be it in career or relationships or otherwise. I can only say in the end that Science and technology is getting better and we, regarding personal mental capabilities, are being worse, or to say again, too weak, shallow and petty.
Some of us have dreams but many of us do not turn them into goals and achieve them. Why does this happen?? It happens because people feel energetic about their dreams for once, go for it, get exhausted and then give upon it forever. So, What is actually required to achieved your dreams? Let’s discuss-
1.SELF-EVALUATION(EXACT KNOWLEDGE OF WHERE ONE STANDS.)
4.CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE.
1. SELF-EVALUATION(EXACT KNOWLEDGE OF WHERE ONE STANDS)- A big majority of people get boosted with their desire to succeed or achieve their dreams, watch innumerable motivational videos, become extremely enthusiastic about putting in the efforts to achieve that one dream but still they fail and fall. Why does this happen? It happens because they have not evaluated themselves about exactly where they stand on their path to success. They do not measure how much efforts they need to put into that one dream. They do not consider how many resources, which kind of resouces, time, energy and opportunity they are currently having. If you have too less of time according to your current mental or physical energy, believe me, even if you put all of your sweat and blood into a goal, it’s highly likely for you to fail at it (tried and tested). Do not go for trial and error method. Most of the people will motivate you to try for something over and over again, maybe they will consider you weak for taking a pause, but do not listen to anyone. Consider all of your resources really well. Do not care about anyone’s opinion. Take help if you need. Seek guidance from those who have already passed that level. Do not be over-confident or under-confident that either it’s only you alone who can do that or it’s you who can never do that even with enough support but you really need to evaluate What exactly you want to do, how to do it, and when and in what ways to do it.
When it’s your dream, the ways also should be yours only-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.
2.GRIT- When you have evaluated yourself and your resources and have made the whole plan about how to achieve a goal, then it’s the grit that will keep you going. You will have a lot of obstacles in your path. You are not the only one. Everyone has to face obstacles, you may have to face comparatively more or less of them but it’s only your sense of grit that will keep you going in that direction. Here, I want to add that Grit does not require you to not take a pause, it does not demand you to keep going even after complete exhaustion; if you think that it means something like that, then you need to reconsider your understanding about it. You can enjoy your path, take pauses, be happy, love your journey and still keep going towards your goal relentlessly; some days you may put a lot of efforts, some days very little and some days not at all but if you are still having that goal(s) in your mind and you want to do something about it, you are having grit. Take your time, it’s your journey, not anyone else’s.
Grit does not have to be painful, easy-going attitude also has grit in it-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.
3. CONSISTENCY- How regular you are about putting in efforts to your goals plays a major role in how far you are to them. If you jump from one goal to another without accomplishing the previous one sometimes, then it’s fine; but if you keep on doing it every time it gets a little difficult, then my friend, you are not consistent enough. You need to make a habit of touching upon each of your goals (if you have more than one) regularly, be it in alteration or daily time management inculcating steps to achieve all of them. Even if you feel like giving up, please do. Go ahead with another one but please, be consistent on that another one, do not keep on juggling between different goals failing at each one of them whenever they require some extra efforts. That kind of inconsistency leads you to only exhaustion, thus making you feel lesser confident about yourself that you are unable to achieve any goal.
Efforts-exhaustion-pause-efforts is the right pattern for consistency-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.
4.CONFIDENCE AND COURAGE- Courage is so crucial to achieve any goal, big or small. It needs you to tackle with your own fears first of all and then any kind of external influences or forces or obstacles in your path. Also, confidence goes hand-in-hand with courage. If you would get swayed by people’s opinions about your efforts, direction or pause, then it will be really hard for you to achieve that goal. Stay strong. Know what you are doing and what you will be doing. You do not have to think what others have to think or say about you. You also do not need to explain yourself. Have the courage to go past your own limits. First know your limits and then try to push through them but do not beat yourself up every time you cannot make through it; we all have our weaknesses too, and feeling weak is also a part of your courage, which not many people can realize.
Once you fall, have the courage to stand up again and move forward in your decided direction and enough confidence that you can succeed-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.
5.OPEN-MINDEDNESS- You may have any kind of goal and your own path but always keep in mind that other kinds of goals and paths also exist and the different ways to attain your own goal as well. There are people out there who have already done what you want to do, and they might have better ways to do it. You can always learn from others. Also, there may be some ways that you or nobody else could think of that can prove to be of great help to you. If you feel like other ways are not going to suit you, considering your own life’s situations’ evaluation, then it’s fine, you know well and you can silence other people’s suggestions in your mind but also there is no harm in giving it a thought for once, you never know which method can suit you better. Do not be too narrow-minded that only you know the best, you may know better but not always the best. Also, if you feel like giving up for a while, feel free to do so. Adopt other patterns, methods, goals etc. Nobody’s judgements matter unless you judge yourself as a failure for adopting and assimilating something different in your life.
Life is a journey and you can always revert back to what you want the most. Keep your mind open about experimentation-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.
If you really want to achieve your goals, have them firmly set and persistently chased, pausing in between is fine but do not quit on them unless you put a good thought into changing them completely.
Why some people prefer to stay alone despite having great personalities? Why some people are loners despite having a friendly nature? Why some people stay isolated for long periods of time despite having too many people on their social media platforms and big families? Apart from extreme introversion, what can the reason be and why do they prefer loneliness?? The answer lies in this saying “Better alone than in bad company.” No matter how you feel, you need to stay away from bad people. Bad here refers to both bad vibes and bad behaviour. Sometimes, no matter how much good you try to see in people, sooner or later, they show their true colours. You might feel that it’s too late to cut them off of your life because you have gotten attached to them or have a common business or you need them professionally; but to be stable and protect your sanity, you will have to get rid of people who can bring any kind of negativity in you. Some gossip to you, some gossip about you. Some poke and prod on your boundaries; physical, emotional or mental. Even if you make it very clear time and again that you want them to be completely absent from your life, they don’t, they still want to get negative attention from you. Some find irritating you as something funny. Some think that their unhealthy or psychotic ways are just a way to show love. Some think that nudging here and there, taunting, is okay. Some think that commenting on your lifestyle is casual. But trust me, if you are a sensitive yet strong person, you can and you have to cut them all off your life, no matter how hard it seems to you, and no matter how difficult they make it for you. When you have got a mind and body naturally capable of doing everything, you can live alone till the right ones who behave the right way come to you. Behaving the right way depends on how you want to be behaved with, and not how others think they should behave and if somebody does not behave or treat you the way you want to be treated, then you have to cut them off of your life, sometimes permanently if somebody doesn’t get your point or gets it and still carries on with their immature, toxic and stupid behaviour. You also have got things to do, live your life freely and grow. They will also try to manipulate you or use you in the name of integrity, but your inner integrity should be stronger than anybody else’s manipulation. Your growth should not be stunted by any bad influence by others on you; and their behaviour is not your responsibility, its theirs and thus it’s not your responsibility to carry on with their toxicity and tolerate it, rather it’s your responsibility towards yourself to cut off such people from your life even if you have to live alone.
Competition is in all of us, whether one admits abour it or not. Some are openly competitive and some secretly. Some people find competition in minor things and some compete for big goals. Some people compete with one or two people and some with a block of population or in their guild.
But..How many people are healthy competitors or have healthy competition streak?? You must think about it. Let’s crack the code.
DECLARED VERSUS UNDECLARED COMPETITION-
When a competition is clearly defined and declared to you and you have accepted it openly because it serves your desire to be a part of it, then it’s a healthy competition, be it related to any field and be it against a single person or a group or a population (population here refers to the people having one similar standard set as the dependent variable for their competition and not the whole population); but if the competition is undeclared and the person you are consciously or sub-consciously competing with has little to no idea about it or they are not on the same page with you, then your competitive streak is outrightly unhealthy and you may even prove yourself to be a fool by being in that dynamic over and over again.
PURPOSEFUL VERSUS PURPOSELESS COMPETITION-
When a competition serves any of your purpose in making your life better or improving your personality, then it is surely healthy but if your competitive streak hits your psyche only when you see somebody else doing something good or better than you and you feel like competing with them, although it doesn’t serve any of your desired purpose of self-improvement in the long run, then it obviously is unhealthy competition. The latter competition arises out of inner lack of worth and envy and jealousy towards the person secretly being competed with.
CONSCIOUS VERSUS SUB-CONSCIOUS/UNCONSCIOUS COMPETITION-
When a competition is entered into by and after putting a good amount of conscious thought and then decided upon to enter into it, it is a healthy one because this way your logical side is allowing you to invest your time and energy into it; but a competition is sub-conscious i.e. you tend to compete with people (be it anyone) out of impulse and without putting a good thought into it, then it is unhealthy for you, as first of all, you are not even recognising that you are competing; you may be imitating other(s), trying to look, feel and prove to be better than other(s) and you may have no to little idea about it. It may arise out of sub-conscious envy or jealousy or need for validation from other people to be recognised as better than the other person, although the persons you compete with may have no idea about it. This is downright wastage of both, your time and energy. One needs to be mindful and careful before entering into any kind of competition because it takes a great deal of one’s time and energy.
COMPETITION WITH ONESELF VERSUS COMPETITION WITH OTHERS-
When one competes with one’s past self and tries to improve upon one’s previously achieved standards, then it is surely healthy, be it in any realm of life-career, education, health and fitness, money, social service, etc.; but if one always or mostly competes with other(s) and never tries to figure out and improve upon oneself, then it is unhealthy because then that person is just trying to meet the standards set by the one/ones whom he/she is competing with, although that other person may not have any clue about it, or even if any other person has created competition, it is unhealthy to compete with them or join them because it is not going to serve one anything and may lead one to be exhausted in the end while fueling the energy (probably unhealthy ego) of the other (who has instigated one to compete with them).
So, how to be a healthy competitor?? Always keep in mind your purpose, be conscious and highly logical about where to put your time and energy, have a strong purpose in mind, and preferably compete with your older self while entering into any kind of competition. Life is too short to waste on unhealthy competitions and to deal with mentally unhealthy people who mostly want to drag you into their self-created unconscious competitions.