Those feelings… The lovely feelings and the moment you realise that you have something more than just a friendship or liking for someone. It feels blissful !! But then dwells in nervousness and a hell lot of anxiety when you start thinking about what to do about your feelings and your mind bombards you with tons of questions and fears. First of all, you are just not capable of understanding the true nature of your feelings. Even when after a lot of insight, you do understand it, you are not capable of putting forward those feelings to that person. Sometimes, it feels like you are going to explode with that much pressure of keeping them to yourself. What to do at that exact moment?? Confess it!! Yes, confess your love or liking the very moment you realize it. I know some of you might be thinking that it’s downright silly and some might put a lot of thought into it regarding what it’s outcome can be.
But, did you ever think that it might be too late?? Yes, it can be. Here are some reasons for why confession of love is always going to end up in your favour:
Maybe that person has the same feelings for you and he/she is just as nervous as you are and is over-thinking it like you. And if you confess it first, it is going to end up in your union.
Maybe that person has no such feelings at the present moment but he/she may have if you put up some efforts and make them feel your love. Confession of love or liking is the straight and simple first step here.
Maybe it will not end up in your union but still you will get rid of the extra-burden of unsaid feelings that are over-whelming you.
It’s always beautiful to spread love. Even if they cannot reciprocate your feelings, they will feel good about it and will end up liking you more than before.
You will have no regrets because, at least, you tried.
But before confessing that be sure what kind of feelings they are; whether it’s just attraction, liking, lust or love. Recognize your feelings first and confess only what you feel. No understatement. No exaggeration. Trust me, you will feel good in the end.
When was the last time when you felt low emotionally and it was like your energy levels dropped drastically?? Last month, last week, yesterday, today or everyday?? You might be having depression or mood disorder or might be feeling plainly stressful all the time. In such situations you may or may not be liking to discuss the reasons behind your stress or strain. But anyhow if you try and discuss, you will meet with certain kinds of people and/or responses. You will find out that there would be some people who just want to see you physically fine, they have nothing to do with your mental or emotional well-being while others have nothing to do even with your physical well-being. And there will be a very few gems who want your wellness in both.
Here are some kinds of people and their reactions that you may get to know in such a situation:
PEOPLE WITH INDIFFERENT ATTITUDE
There are some people who are with you only as long as you are capable of putting up a mask of happiness on your face and don’t show any kind of mood instability or stress and when you start showing up your insecurities and weaknesses, they avoid it like preventing themselves from an epidemic. They are the people with “hmmm.. It happens..”, “hmmm.. don’t worry”, “You don’t look good sad like this” kind of responses. I mean like really?? Are they even worthy of your time in general?? Leave alone your good times.
MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE DESIRING TO CONTROL OTHERS
Another category comprises of those who are waiting for you to share something with them just so that they can bestow you with their useless ‘Wise Advice‘ that is not even wise in the first place, but they have to advise anyway. Trust me, they too have nothing to do with your emotional well-being. They are the people with “I had told you”, “I knew this”, “You should do this” kind of responses. And they give you advice that prove their point right that they have always wanted to impose on you. Thanks but no thanks to such people and their ego-serving advice.
STUPID AND INSENSIBLE PEOPLE
And then, there comes another category of people who ‘just laugh out‘ on anything and everything you say. They are listening to you just for passing their free time. In fact, don’t even listen to you completely and are not interested in understanding you or your situation anyway.
TRULY WISE PEOPLE
There are barely any people who can ‘JUST LISTEN‘ and do nothing else unless asked for something !! They are truly wise people who understand that you are alone and you need to be listened to. They do not advise you unless you ask them to do so. They are the ‘real treasure‘. If there are any other kinds of people that you have met in such a situation, then do let me know in the comments section.
“Don’t you trust me?” The question often asked to us by someone whom we ask for an explanation for their words or actions. I know that trust is instinctual for most of the people; something that one acknowledges automatically. But, what if someone has serious trust issues in general? I mean, if there is someone who just cannot trust anyone, how would you make that person trust you? Certainly not by pressuring or manipulating like throwing tantrums or accusing that person that he/she has irrational trust issues. NO! Really, a Big No for these ways.
The only way to make someone trust you who has trust issues naturally or due to some past experiences is to be honest with him/her. It might take some extra efforts from your side. You also might have to give them proofs or explanations for your words or actions every single time. You just have to keep calm upon their asking for the proofs or explanations, still, if they can’t trust you, then let it be like that. Don’t get mad at them. They are not doing it intentionally. They are also suffering from mental frustration. But it does not mean that you too have to go through the same kind of frustration or retaliate with the same kind of accusation like “I also don’t trust you”. Try and be polite and stay honest without getting offended upon asking for the explanations.
This will save a lot of time and mental exhaustion for both of you. Over time, they will start trusting you. Believe me, they will !! Because every person needs some adjustment from others in relationships of any kind and if you value them, you would not be dishonest with them in the first place. So, what’s the deal in giving proof for your honesty too. Yes, you may not like or maybe hate to be distrusted but understand that trusting someone may be a pivotal issue for them. They might have gone through certain experiences in which they trusted others and it ended up in shattering or breaking them.
If you think that enforcing them to believe you is going to work. It will not ! Rather they would feel like you are trying to pressure or manipulate them which is going to back-fire and ultimately result in severe trust issues. Only honesty begets trust, nothing else.
When you are not connected to yourself completely; when you do not dig into all of your layers, test and understand them immensely, somebody may cut your outer layer and you may begin to bleed. That outer layer is always the clothing protected by fight and flight mode, which works as a shield to protect you from the outer world and the bleeding is shown in impulsive reactions in order to repel whatever is trying to reach and hurt your existence or your inner layers. When you go through similar situations which your rationality (ego) tells you that are out of its control or have the potential to or have already hurt you, then you may go into the state of hyper-active flight and fight mode. In this state, you cannot trust anything and anybody and tend to fight with anyone who can have the slightest chance of repeating the hurtful situations. Your memory sometimes begin to weaken in order to save you and sometimes it works by overly repeating the hurtful scenarios in your mind.
What can you do in such a situation? It is very difficult to leave a flight or fight mode. Here I can tell you one of the ways that always bring me back to myself (Try only if you can trust my ways). This is what you have to do- Just try to stop fighting. Do not try to fly away from the situation. Just stop the urge to fight against it. Observe if the facts or circumstances or people involved are important to you for as long as you want to, but stop the urge to fight right away. Instead, go inside, go deeper into your layers, through to your core and ask “Is it truly me who is fighting? Or are those my fears fighting?” I am almost sure that your answer will be ‘fears’. Your core carries a lot of strength and love but your love for any other person depends on how much you love yourself (that’s a whole different topic). If those people or situations could never touch your core, then believe me, they are not that important to fight with or to fight for. Your core is your a collective whole of your values and principles which you have to consider extensively to stop your fighting response. When you stay there, observe and do not fight against what’s happening, then you develop the tendency to differentiate what is important for you and what is not, which includes almost anything (behaviour of others, their presence or absence in your life, circumstances related to career etc.). As a result, you develop the tendency to ignore a lot of things and people that you know do not gel well or connect well with your core and when you develop the tendency to observe yet ignore a lot, you can realize that you have gotten out of your flight and fight mode.
Remember that this state of getting rid of flight and fight paradigm is not permanent. You may have to do it over and over again whenever you feel triggered. It consumes a lot of time and mental energy but it’s crucial for connecting with yourself and to observe detachment. For that your ego(rationality) and superego(higher principles, core values) have to work in consonance with each other but once you reach that state protect it at any cost. To protect it, remember that you don’t have to fight, rather you have remain still and let it pass by. It is very difficult when you have your old wounds that can re-open at the slightest touch, but only when you go inwards you know that nothing from the outside can really touch you when you have developed your core strength and the ability to ignore most of the outer things, people and circumstances that do not resonate with your core.