Emotional Pain-Tolerance and Reactivity.

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Emotional Pain is something that we all go through being humans moving through life’s ups and downs. But not all of us handle the emotional pain in the same way and even the same person handles it differently at different times during different kinds of circumstances. The patterns involved can be various but let’s talk about the main difference between people having high emotional tolerance and those having low level of it.

The former reacts to the painful situation when it becomes unbearable; whereas the latter reacts the same way even at the hint of pain or at most, at the initiation of a painful event.

Illustratively, emotionally highly tolerant people have the experience(s) of a deep wound(s), which opens up and bleeds every time it’s touched, poked, hit or exposed i.e. emotionally it gets triggered but they get accustomed to tolerating that much pain, so they take it as their normal and generally do not react to what actually normal people would react to to a good extent; 

Whereas emotionally lowly tolerant people have little to no such wound and they become afraid even at the thought of having any wound, so they act dramatically in order to evade from any kind of pain; they show pain which is the bare minimum for other normal people which actually can be too much for them because their threshold of emotional tolerance is quite low.

Because of this, one shall never judge other’s pain based on their reactions. Some people are natually highly reactive, others are experiencially highly tolerant.

If somebody is laughing, it doesn’t mean that they are not in pain;

If somebody is silent, it doesn’t mean that they are in pain;

If somebody is in pain, it doesn’t mean they cannot or won’t react;

If somebody is reacting, it doesn’t mean that they are or are not in pain.

Pain cannot be described and treated by others with rules set in stone. As much as pain is subjective, so is its expression.

Emotional or mental ditching- Ever felt ditched emotionally by people closest to you?

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That was my weakest time emotionally and you were not there.” Ever felt like quoting it or saying it out loud to anyone? Well, we all go through this kind of phases several times in our lives involving a plethora of situations and different people and their several roles in those situations.

What I am going to point out here is when and how one is supposed to show that they truly care about you and/or respect your relationship with them?? It is not when you are at your best but particularly when you are at your weakest point. Anyone can and will join you when you are in prosperity but not everyone will do so in your adversity. Sometimes, the people that seem closest to you in your cheerful and happy moments, don’t show up when you are down, that too knowingly. They do so because they don’t want to interfere or because they don’t care?? You need to figure this out very thoughtfully as well as practically. That can be anyone literally, a friend, a lover, a life partner, a relative, a colleague, or even a parent.

But you can’t blame each and everyone in your weak times for behaving indifferently for everyone does not know you very well. Only those who are always present when you have something good or positive to offer have a moral liability to support you when you can’t offer them anything but need them for emotional support. And, if they are unavailable or make excuses (for even listening to you) or act ignorant like they didn’t even get to know about your mental situation, then it’s time to say goodbye to them.

Give up on each and everyone who cannot understand you howsoever hard you try, howsoever good and understanding you become to them. Your time is also precious which is being spent on them for a long span. Your energy gets burnt by doing things for them that they won’t do for you.

Sometimes, people think that the one who is the doer in a relationship / friendship is supposed to keep doing that stuff. And when he/she stops or recedes, then he/she is generally taken as someone who has changed. No! That person has not changed over time as it is blamed but that person has started realizing his/her importance and the unstable dynamic of the relationship! One just needs to fall back and think or sometimes test his/her relations with others to know if their efforts will ever be reciprocated or not?? But it shall not be done by thinking one-sidedly only. The other person might have genuine problems in life due to which they could not help. For knowing that, it’s better to talk to each-other openly about the issues that are affecting the relation on psychological grounds.

woman holding disposable lighter

KINDS OF PEOPLE YOU GENERALLY MEET WHEN YOU FEEL EMOTIONALLY LOW-

When was the last time when you felt low emotionally and it was like your energy levels dropped drastically?? Last month, last week, yesterday, today or everyday?? You might be having depression or mood disorder or might be feeling plainly stressful all the time. In such situations you may or may not be liking to discuss the reasons behind your stress or strain. But anyhow if you try and discuss, you will meet with certain kinds of people and/or responses. You will find out that there would be some people who just want to see you physically fine, they have nothing to do with your mental or emotional well-being while others have nothing to do even with your physical well-being. And there will be a very few gems who want your wellness in both.

Here are some kinds of people and their reactions that you may get to know in such a situation:

  • PEOPLE WITH INDIFFERENT ATTITUDE
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There are some people who are with you only as long as you are capable of putting up a mask of happiness on your face and don’t show any kind of mood instability or stress and when you start showing up your insecurities and weaknesses, they avoid it like preventing themselves from an epidemic. They are the people with “hmmm.. It happens..”, “hmmm.. don’t worry”, “You don’t look good sad like this” kind of responses. I mean like really?? Are they even worthy of your time in general?? Leave alone your good times.


  • MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE DESIRING TO CONTROL OTHERS
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Another category comprises of those who are waiting for you to share something with them just so that they can bestow you with their useless ‘Wise Advice‘ that is not even wise in the first place, but they have to advise anyway. Trust me, they too have nothing to do with your emotional well-being. They are the people with “I had told you”, “I knew this”, “You should do this” kind of responses. And they give you advice that prove their point right that they have always wanted to impose on you. Thanks but no thanks to such people and their ego-serving advice.


  • STUPID AND INSENSIBLE PEOPLE
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And then, there comes another category of people who ‘just laugh out‘ on anything and everything you say. They are listening to you just for passing their free time. In fact, don’t even listen to you completely and are not interested in understanding you or your situation anyway.


  • TRULY WISE PEOPLE
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There are barely any people who can ‘JUST LISTEN‘ and do nothing else unless asked for something !! They are truly wise people who understand that you are alone and you need to be listened to. They do not advise you unless you ask them to do so. They are the ‘real treasure‘. If there are any other kinds of people that you have met in such a situation, then do let me know in the comments section.

A fighter by spirit, evoked by circumstances- Motivational Monologue.

“People like you are meant to achieve great things in life. There are a very few who can bear the emotional burdens like you, of yourself alongwith that of others until you realize that there are also only a very few who can fight like you. You go through the life’s ugly events all by yourself, your self-reliance ignites your fire even the more. You can live alone for the longest time and drown in the deepest waters of sorrow alone and still shine like a fighter, although being thrown daggers at and hated, because you irritate their demons. You deny to have any sympathy from anyone, for that’s equivalent to death to you, although you want somebody to understand you why you do the way you do everything; but it’s difficult for you to trust anyone for sharing your core, so you let anyone slip through your surface and never let many touch even a second layer, making it impossible to reach the core. The day you were fighting like the worst enemy to a few and cutting many away was the day your father had died. Your that wound being irreparable was something you could not tell anyone about, not family, not any friend, sulking in grief all alone. Then came their daggers hitting right at the wrong nerves of loss of people, family and love, that too at the wrong time. But you still could not explain it, who gives explanation to the offender? You broke, for sure, but only you know how you fight when you are completely broken. Did it happen till date that you let the ugliest people by heart take advantage of your good nature? Yes, it happened, it happened a lot but only to the point you decided not to bear it anymore. And when you decide to fight, you know what you become, you break everyone who tries to break you and fight like nobody in that state you have known.”

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“Being damsel in distress is something you never know, A Lone Knight is what you are and how you stand against any foe.”

If you want to motivate yourself in your darkest times, this is one of the ways how you can motivate yourself. You can enhance your self-talk in a positive manner. You can consider your negative circumstances that took you out of your comfort zone or shell as a catalyst to evoke a fighter’s spirit in you. You can do this every time and most importantly in the crucial or critical time, specially when people try to bring you down on purpose. You know how strong you are, you need to show it to others as well and show what kind of a fighting spirit you have, the one who will break everyone who will try to break you and the one who will eliminate anyone who will try to control you or try to make you feel any lesser than you are. You owe nobody anything. You give them anything out of love and tolerate their weakness when you want to but they should know that you do it out of choice and not out of pressure. You do what you need to do and what you want to do but not what others want to impose on you. When your core is stronger than anyone can imagine, you can stand strong for your rights and against anybody who offends you or your rights.