Did you say “Go with the flow” and still acted different? -An Eye-Opening Monologue.

silhouette of people on beach during sunset

Hey folks.. 🙂 How are you feeling today? What are you thinking about now? Did you check your energy? Is it in flow or being controlled by you? Let’s talk about it in general. Some people know how to let their energy flow and let others’ energy flow easily as well without trying to re-direct or control it. But, some people still have not learnt how to let the energy flow freely and let things align for those whose energy is flowing freely. It’s for those people- If you have not learnt anything, at least, do not hamper other’s energy, path and blessings. I have been seeing some of the behaviours repeating year after years, and it’s quite obvious that people do not learn from experiences. You can learn if you want to. Just feel your own energy and apply some logic to it. I know that it’s easier said than done. Nobody can control one’s own emotions many of the times, but, look at it like this- if you didn’t get the desired outcome while repeating the same behaviour over and over again, how much it is likely to have the desired outcome now out of the same behaviour?? Again.. It is easier to say all this than applying it to oneself. Been there, done that. But at least think about it. Which cycle you are repeating again?? Which loop you are continuing now that just keeps your life in an abyss of doubts about yourself and others?? If some things, behaviour, people didn’t serve you for your welfare and progress in the past, how much likely are they to serve for the same now??

Also, some of you really preach others to go with the flow but when it comes to you, you do not know how your own energy is flowing; which direction it is flowing in; and, consciously or subconsciously, you also try to stop or misdirect others flow as well.

Kindly, stop doing this ! Analyse yourself. Analyse exactly what you want and/or who you want. And then, go for it. If it works, then great; if it doesn’t or didn’t, then move on. But, for your own sake and others, stop making your insecurities or past experiences of love or hatred with someone make you do things that you should not do at all according to your current circumstances. If you are sure of your decisions that you have taken that have led you to your present situation, then you are not going to do the confusing things. And, if you are unsure about the decisions taken, then change those decisions first and then act on your current feelings.

It’s not good that you try to change other’s permanent decisions based on your own temporary feelings and emotions that keep on fluctuating; If you are doing this, you are just trying to control someone just because you lack in self-control.

Emotional Pain-Tolerance and Reactivity.

adult alone anxious black and white

Emotional Pain is something that we all go through being humans moving through life’s ups and downs. But not all of us handle the emotional pain in the same way and even the same person handles it differently at different times during different kinds of circumstances. The patterns involved can be various but let’s talk about the main difference between people having high emotional tolerance and those having low level of it.

The former reacts to the painful situation when it becomes unbearable; whereas the latter reacts the same way even at the hint of pain or at most, at the initiation of a painful event.

Illustratively, emotionally highly tolerant people have the experience(s) of a deep wound(s), which opens up and bleeds every time it’s touched, poked, hit or exposed i.e. emotionally it gets triggered but they get accustomed to tolerating that much pain, so they take it as their normal and generally do not react to what actually normal people would react to to a good extent; 

Whereas emotionally lowly tolerant people have little to no such wound and they become afraid even at the thought of having any wound, so they act dramatically in order to evade from any kind of pain; they show pain which is the bare minimum for other normal people which actually can be too much for them because their threshold of emotional tolerance is quite low.

Because of this, one shall never judge other’s pain based on their reactions. Some people are natually highly reactive, others are experiencially highly tolerant.

If somebody is laughing, it doesn’t mean that they are not in pain;

If somebody is silent, it doesn’t mean that they are in pain;

If somebody is in pain, it doesn’t mean they cannot or won’t react;

If somebody is reacting, it doesn’t mean that they are or are not in pain.

Pain cannot be described and treated by others with rules set in stone. As much as pain is subjective, so is its expression.

Does your pain entitle you to offend others?

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

“Take it easy!”,”Chill !!” – The phrases you often listen to whenever you react to someone’s statements that can offend boundaries set by you in your relation to that person. Such a person might be a total stranger, a colleague, relative, friend or lover. What boundaries you have set in your dealings with that person are not meant to be crossed for any reason whatsoever. They might give you the random chill in your spine by intimadating you or might lead your temper to rise or may make you numb in a way that you stay stunned about what to say or how to respond to such a stimulus.

And when you react to it with anger or even affirm your boundaries again, then they try to teach you how to chill and not to take life too seriously. Sometimes, they affirm you that they have gone through great ordeals that you have no idea about and still they are capable of playing around. Actually, they are just playing around with their words or even emotions but seldom logic. Their pain does not entitle them to offend you. If their words are hurting your emotions or sentiments or feelings or you are plainly feeling misunderstood or made fun of or taken advantage of or manipulated with, it’s an offence to your person and their own pain is no excuse to inflict any pain upon you.

For a moment, you might give them another chance by giving due regard to their suffering as a benefit of doubt but that kind of behaviour might continue if not opposed or stopped at the first instance. They might play hooky under the veil of their pain or anger but it is not acceptable because you are not responsible for that pain and thus, it’s also not your duty to tolerate it for any measure.

For opposing or making it stop, you do not need to play the same. You don’t need to play mind games or get angry or play the blame game or be pitiful in any way. Be sympathetic and neutral simultaneously in whatever you say and the tone in which you say it.

For example; say

  • “I have no idea what you have gone through but your pain does not entitle you to offend me and I found your behaviour offensive to my boundaries”
  • “I would like to understand your reasons but still your this action/behaviour is unacceptable to me.”
  • “I did not offend you, and I would appreciate it if you reciprocate the same.”
  • “How would you feel if I offend your boundaries and then give excuse of my pain?”
    And, if he or she still does not stop or get even more offensive or aggressive or passive aggressive then be a little more strict and say “Would you understand my dignified silence or you want me to react like you have reacted?”

What you say should be clear, and should give them a message that their behaviour is unacceptable whatever might be the reason behind it. But do not trigger their emotions or do anything to hurt them as it might worsen the situation altogether. Keep calm and be firm and unprejudiced in your approach.

Love-When it should be confessed?

woman doing hand heart sign

Those feelings… The lovely feelings and the moment you realise that you have something more than just a friendship or liking for someone. It feels blissful !! But then dwells in nervousness and a hell lot of anxiety when you start thinking about what to do about your feelings and your mind bombards you with tons of questions and fears. First of all, you are just not capable of understanding the true nature of your feelings. Even when after a lot of insight, you do understand it, you are not capable of putting forward those feelings to that person. Sometimes, it feels like you are going to explode with that much pressure of keeping them to yourself. What to do at that exact moment?? Confess it!! Yes, confess your love or liking the very moment you realize it. I know some of you might be thinking that it’s downright silly and some might put a lot of thought into it regarding what it’s outcome can be.

But, did you ever think that it might be too late?? Yes, it can be. Here are some reasons for why confession of love is always going to end up in your favour:

  • Maybe that person has the same feelings for you and he/she is just as nervous as you are and is over-thinking it like you. And if you confess it first, it is going to end up in your union.
  • Maybe that person has no such feelings at the present moment but he/she may have if you put up some efforts and make them feel your love. Confession of love or liking is the straight and simple first step here.
  • Maybe it will not end up in your union but still you will get rid of the extra-burden of unsaid feelings that are over-whelming you.
  • It’s always beautiful to spread love. Even if they cannot reciprocate your feelings, they will feel good about it and will end up liking you more than before.
  • You will have no regrets because, at least, you tried.

But before confessing that be sure what kind of feelings they are; whether it’s just attraction, liking, lust or love. Recognize your feelings first and confess only what you feel. No understatement. No exaggeration. Trust me, you will feel good in the end.

KINDS OF PEOPLE YOU GENERALLY MEET WHEN YOU FEEL EMOTIONALLY LOW-

When was the last time when you felt low emotionally and it was like your energy levels dropped drastically?? Last month, last week, yesterday, today or everyday?? You might be having depression or mood disorder or might be feeling plainly stressful all the time. In such situations you may or may not be liking to discuss the reasons behind your stress or strain. But anyhow if you try and discuss, you will meet with certain kinds of people and/or responses. You will find out that there would be some people who just want to see you physically fine, they have nothing to do with your mental or emotional well-being while others have nothing to do even with your physical well-being. And there will be a very few gems who want your wellness in both.

Here are some kinds of people and their reactions that you may get to know in such a situation:

  • PEOPLE WITH INDIFFERENT ATTITUDE
woman wearing eyeglasses
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There are some people who are with you only as long as you are capable of putting up a mask of happiness on your face and don’t show any kind of mood instability or stress and when you start showing up your insecurities and weaknesses, they avoid it like preventing themselves from an epidemic. They are the people with “hmmm.. It happens..”, “hmmm.. don’t worry”, “You don’t look good sad like this” kind of responses. I mean like really?? Are they even worthy of your time in general?? Leave alone your good times.


  • MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE DESIRING TO CONTROL OTHERS
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Another category comprises of those who are waiting for you to share something with them just so that they can bestow you with their useless ‘Wise Advice‘ that is not even wise in the first place, but they have to advise anyway. Trust me, they too have nothing to do with your emotional well-being. They are the people with “I had told you”, “I knew this”, “You should do this” kind of responses. And they give you advice that prove their point right that they have always wanted to impose on you. Thanks but no thanks to such people and their ego-serving advice.


  • STUPID AND INSENSIBLE PEOPLE
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And then, there comes another category of people who ‘just laugh out‘ on anything and everything you say. They are listening to you just for passing their free time. In fact, don’t even listen to you completely and are not interested in understanding you or your situation anyway.


  • TRULY WISE PEOPLE
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There are barely any people who can ‘JUST LISTEN‘ and do nothing else unless asked for something !! They are truly wise people who understand that you are alone and you need to be listened to. They do not advise you unless you ask them to do so. They are the ‘real treasure‘. If there are any other kinds of people that you have met in such a situation, then do let me know in the comments section.