“There will be times when you will be speaking the truth and nobody will believe you, and then, there will be times when you won’t be able to speak about it and many people would like to know about it.“
Society works like this only. People have the tendency to go against your free will. They would like you to explain yourself in front of them to do something that is your right, like they are an authority over you. You really owe explanations to a few people including your family members and closest friends for a few of your actions that may affect them directly or indirectly, but what about other friends who just observe what you do and have something to say about it always even when nothing you do concerns them? What if your neighbourers or colleagues want to know the deals going on in your life with others despite you trying to keep it private from them? AND what if you want to tell something to any of them, and none of them believes what you have to say? It certainly becomes exhausting when others think that they know your truth or THE TRUTH better than you do. You try to explain yourself over and over again, everybody turns a deaf ear to you but when you get tired of all the things you go through and turn silent, then all of a sudden the same people who disregard your truth become interested in knowing why you became so silent.
Due to this kind of communication gap and lack of understanding and timing, people go through episodes of depression as they are unable to share their problems openly to anyone at the right time bravely (fear of judgements) but when they learn to live with those problems or solve them on their own, then others want to know about them just out of curiosity. Those who really lend an ear do not do it out of curiosity but for understanding the other person but those people are rare to find. A person may shut out and shut down due to fear of being misunderstood or misjudged and it may lead to further misunderstandings with even those people and at those place where they were never meant to happen.
What to do when you have something to say and you feel like you have lost your voice as you think that nobody is going to believe you? PLEASE, SPEAK UP ! As simple as that.
I am writing this out of experience. Speak your truth whenever you feel that the opportunity is right. Do not let your anxiety stunt your mind or shun your own voice. It may lead to depression and further anxiety. Do not think that you will look or sound like a fool. Be polite first. Talk sense. Think if it’s logical and factual or not. Even if it is not, just say it. You can keep a disclaimer with whatever you express about its uncertainty as well. No need to over-think for too long that it becomes too late to talk about. Other people may take advantage of your silence and it may yield to your disadvantage in ways you cannot comprehend whilst staying silent. Talk to a trusted person first of all, then to the people who you intend to divulge your information or truth to. Be crystal clear in whatever you want to let out of your mouth. When you are completely clear about what you want to say, others can grasp it; if you keep beating around the bush, then most certainly people are not going to take it as the truth. But say it anyway. Different people have different ways, so do you but do it at the right time or you may repent later that you missed the right time and lost a lot with your silence. You have the freedom of speech, use it ! Nobody is important enough to shun you out of your truth.
Sometimes, you don’t get how to treat people. It happens to all of us and many a times in our life. People hurt you, some unknowingly and slme out of choice. But let’s talk here about those who hurt you by choice. They who leave you hurting, don’t really deserve to come back to you when you are healing or healed. But what to do when they try to come back into your life indirectly? Allow them to stab at the wound again; or test your tolerance or patience; or leave them n mind your own business? People generally know what they have done, they are either stupid or over-smart not to admit it or they grow mature enough to make it right but you can’t tell which way it’s going to be unless you put your peace of mind at stake again. You have to decide if you are left with that much tolerance level to let that hurt be brought up again, or put it to an end. It depends on you, everything, and on your energy level. If you feel drained or you have tried for too many times, then there is no need to put yourself out there and run in circles as you know that you will get no desired outcome but if you feel that you want to be there one more time, then go ahead; it’s your life and only you get to decide what you want to do with it; but keep somebody’s character in your mind. Behaviour may change but deep set character does not, because it is built over years and the neurological pathway becomes more than complex in their adopted patterns only, so before proceeding further and trying one more time ask yourself “Is that person really worth it?” “Is that person going to give me what I need??” If even in the back of your mind, the answer is no, you should prevent yourself from wasting yourself with one another attempt either of yourself or them.
When you are not connected to yourself completely; when you do not dig into all of your layers, test and understand them immensely, somebody may cut your outer layer and you may begin to bleed. That outer layer is always the clothing protected by fight and flight mode, which works as a shield to protect you from the outer world and the bleeding is shown in impulsive reactions in order to repel whatever is trying to reach and hurt your existence or your inner layers. When you go through similar situations which your rationality (ego) tells you that are out of its control or have the potential to or have already hurt you, then you may go into the state of hyper-active flight and fight mode. In this state, you cannot trust anything and anybody and tend to fight with anyone who can have the slightest chance of repeating the hurtful situations. Your memory sometimes begin to weaken in order to save you and sometimes it works by overly repeating the hurtful scenarios in your mind.
What can you do in such a situation? It is very difficult to leave a flight or fight mode. Here I can tell you one of the ways that always bring me back to myself (Try only if you can trust my ways). This is what you have to do- Just try to stop fighting. Do not try to fly away from the situation. Just stop the urge to fight against it. Observe if the facts or circumstances or people involved are important to you for as long as you want to, but stop the urge to fight right away. Instead, go inside, go deeper into your layers, through to your core and ask “Is it truly me who is fighting? Or are those my fears fighting?” I am almost sure that your answer will be ‘fears’. Your core carries a lot of strength and love but your love for any other person depends on how much you love yourself (that’s a whole different topic). If those people or situations could never touch your core, then believe me, they are not that important to fight with or to fight for. Your core is your a collective whole of your values and principles which you have to consider extensively to stop your fighting response. When you stay there, observe and do not fight against what’s happening, then you develop the tendency to differentiate what is important for you and what is not, which includes almost anything (behaviour of others, their presence or absence in your life, circumstances related to career etc.). As a result, you develop the tendency to ignore a lot of things and people that you know do not gel well or connect well with your core and when you develop the tendency to observe yet ignore a lot, you can realize that you have gotten out of your flight and fight mode.
Remember that this state of getting rid of flight and fight paradigm is not permanent. You may have to do it over and over again whenever you feel triggered. It consumes a lot of time and mental energy but it’s crucial for connecting with yourself and to observe detachment. For that your ego(rationality) and superego(higher principles, core values) have to work in consonance with each other but once you reach that state protect it at any cost. To protect it, remember that you don’t have to fight, rather you have remain still and let it pass by. It is very difficult when you have your old wounds that can re-open at the slightest touch, but only when you go inwards you know that nothing from the outside can really touch you when you have developed your core strength and the ability to ignore most of the outer things, people and circumstances that do not resonate with your core.