Hey folks.. 🙂 How are you feeling today? What are you thinking about now? Did you check your energy? Is it in flow or being controlled by you? Let’s talk about it in general. Some people know how to let their energy flow and let others’ energy flow easily as well without trying to re-direct or control it. But, some people still have not learnt how to let the energy flow freely and let things align for those whose energy is flowing freely. It’s for those people- If you have not learnt anything, at least, do not hamper other’s energy, path and blessings. I have been seeing some of the behaviours repeating year after years, and it’s quite obvious that people do not learn from experiences. You can learn if you want to. Just feel your own energy and apply some logic to it. I know that it’s easier said than done. Nobody can control one’s own emotions many of the times, but, look at it like this- if you didn’t get the desired outcome while repeating the same behaviour over and over again, how much it is likely to have the desired outcome now out of the same behaviour?? Again.. It is easier to say all this than applying it to oneself. Been there, done that. But at least think about it. Which cycle you are repeating again??Which loop you are continuing now that just keeps your life in an abyss of doubts about yourself and others??If some things, behaviour, people didn’t serve you for your welfare and progress in the past, how much likely are they to serve for the same now??
Also, some of you really preach others to go with the flow but when it comes to you, you do not know how your own energy is flowing; which direction it is flowing in; and, consciously or subconsciously, you also try to stop or misdirect others flow as well.
Kindly, stop doing this ! Analyse yourself. Analyse exactly what you want and/or who you want. And then, go for it. If it works, then great; if it doesn’t or didn’t, then move on. But, for your own sake and others, stop making your insecurities or past experiences of love or hatred with someone make you do things that you should not do at all according to your current circumstances. If you are sure of your decisions that you have taken that have led you to your present situation, then you are not going to do the confusing things. And, if you are unsure about the decisions taken, then change those decisions first and then act on your current feelings.
It’s not good that you try to change other’s permanent decisions based on your own temporary feelings and emotions that keep on fluctuating; If you are doing this, you are just trying to control someone just because you lack in self-control.
“DON’T QUESTION MY OUTFIT, QUESTION THE ACT OF RAPE !!”
“NO MEANS NO !!”
These and many such slogans seem like they have become a part of what you would call ‘Daily hassles of national life’. Why I used this somewhat irrelevant terminology here is because of the fact that it correlates to what we see in news these days; one girl-child/girl/woman gets raped and a very few number of people come out to protest against it with these slogans that have almost no effect on the deaf ears, be it that of government, parents, people in general, leave alone having it any effect on delinquent mentality possessed people. My question here is What are you doing about it practically and substantially??
Blaming the laws
Blaming the government
Blaming the culprit
Or very conveniently blaming the victim??
For a change why don’t you blame yourself ?? Yes, sounds harsh but appropriately so, blame yourself for this heinous crime incidents. You come out on roads to protest only when the incident has already happened, but hats-off to you that you still have the guts to stand against it openly; some of you put their display pictures of facebook, whatsapp and other social media sites saying “I am with (the name of the victim)” some share the so-called heart-touching posts regarding the victim (showing pity towards her??); some stay silent being very busy in their life as they are too sure that it can never happen to them or to their near and dear ones; some ignorant folks even don’t know what is happening in society, they are very satisfied in their self-contained illusionary world; and then lastly, comes the category of those misogynist people (both males and females) who are again going to blame the victim because their uneducated and prejudiced minds cannot accept that rape is a crime against a female, not by a female. Many might argue that laws must be much stricter in regard to punishments. But they don’t understand that the remedy of this crime is not in punishments. Provisions of stricter punishments might have deterrent effect on the minds of people, provided they know the punishments in the first place, but it cannot eradicate the gist of the crime.
The nucleus of the act of rape lies in the obnoxious mentality of the culprit which is the result of faulty gender-biased mentality of the society as a whole. The reasons for saying this are numerous, primarily being;
Patriarchal pattern of society and associated prejudices-
Indian society follows patriarchal pattern in which male leads and female is supposed to follow his decisions. The plethora of prejudices engulfed in this pattern against women is manifold, and in every aspect of life, be it preference to male-child birth, better education to male-child, choice of career, selection of life partner, during and after marriage submission the requirements of husband and in-laws, domestic violence (including marital-rape), etc. The basic right of freedom to females is shackled. They are expected to be docile and obedient in behaviour, and anyone not being so and standing for her rights is considered as someone mal-adaptive and anti-social. Apparently and ironically, the person standing against delinquency is considered a delinquent because it is against their orthodox principles. Whereas males are most ofter privileged with unlimited freedom to do anything as per their desire. Arguably, some will disagree to this contention of unlimited freedom to males but here I am referring to these words only comparatively to how much freedom is given to females. This kind of biases start corrupting the minds of a few people (males). They begin to think that they can do anything and would not be held liable for their actions against women. It forms the seed of rape in their minds.
Taking women as a property rather than a person- Even in the modern era, women are taken as property rather than human beings. The harsh wording here is for a reason. ‘Woman for a man’ is something that is still in the back of everyone’s mind.
Gender-biased moralisation by society- In our society, if the males show their sexuality, it is very common (obviously) and they use abusive or sexual terminology, again, it is completely acceptable but dare a female to do the same, it’s becomes an offence to all of her relatives’, neighbourers’ and colleagues’ cultural, social and traditional “values” like they have been abused by her for just using her freedom; even using the word sex openly sometimes feels like a crime when it comes out the mouth of a female whereas males openly use outrightly obnoxious words. I am not pressing upon that that females shall be taught to be overly abusive, but males shall be taught to be well-mannered right from the time their schooling begins at home or At Least Both Shall Be Given Equal Freedom to express themselves. This will lay the foundation of complete moralisation of society as a whole, rather than half of it.
Indifference and ignorance towards the crime of rape, generally- Believe it or not, some people do not even talk about rape incidents. For them, it has been a taboo since eternity. They will shun the voices of even those who can think about and against it. On an extreme end, some do not even think that it’s a crime by a man (because men are like that only, women should know their limits-Their Thinking). Whereas some people will just scroll through the newsfeed or newspaper thinking that it keeps on happening, and thus it has become their normal to know about it. The same indifferent and ignorant people would leave the victim being abused continually despite her cries for help.
Lack of proper sex education- It’s not only about the abusive mentality of those who commit this heinous crime but also about what leads them to that act. When somebody is shunned to think or talk about something openly or even know about it right from the childhood, then that topic ingresses inside the mind of that person to ‘explore’ it and it’s in human nature to feel high by doing things that he/she gets to do or knows about the least normally. If children be taught about sex properly at the right age (before puberty), then they would not grow as adults overly-excited about sex and the rate of this crime may drop drastically.
Lack of vigilance over thoughts and activities of children- People generally realize it what their children have become when they grow into adults, but how many people keep an eye over the kind of words their child uses? How many ask their kids questions to know what kind of thoughts they are having? How many parents scrutinize what their children are watching and reading on the internet and for how long? Since the inception of internet, it’s very easy to have access to any kind of information and now-a-days when social media is more active than ever in which sexual abuse and pornography are taken as something fun, what do you expect children to learn from that? Parents need to keep a close vigilance over all of their children’s activities; whom they talk to, what they talk about, how they behave and what they see or hear on the internet, otherwise they may soon be either the abuser or the abused one.
In the end, I can say that it’s all in your hands. Even one effort can make a huge difference. Don’t be ignorant and create a mishap of imbalance in society more and more.
“There will be times when you will be speaking the truth and nobody will believe you, and then, there will be times when you won’t be able to speak about it and many people would like to know about it.“
Society works like this only. People have the tendency to go against your free will. They would like you to explain yourself in front of them to do something that is your right, like they are an authority over you. You really owe explanations to a few people including your family members and closest friends for a few of your actions that may affect them directly or indirectly, but what about other friends who just observe what you do and have something to say about it always even when nothing you do concerns them? What if your neighbourers or colleagues want to know the deals going on in your life with others despite you trying to keep it private from them? AND what if you want to tell something to any of them, and none of them believes what you have to say? It certainly becomes exhausting when others think that they know your truth or THE TRUTH better than you do. You try to explain yourself over and over again, everybody turns a deaf ear to you but when you get tired of all the things you go through and turn silent, then all of a sudden the same people who disregard your truth become interested in knowing why you became so silent.
Due to this kind of communication gap and lack of understanding and timing, people go through episodes of depression as they are unable to share their problems openly to anyone at the right time bravely (fear of judgements) but when they learn to live with those problems or solve them on their own, then others want to know about them just out of curiosity. Those who really lend an ear do not do it out of curiosity but for understanding the other person but those people are rare to find. A person may shut out and shut down due to fear of being misunderstood or misjudged and it may lead to further misunderstandings with even those people and at those place where they were never meant to happen.
What to do when you have something to say and you feel like you have lost your voice as you think that nobody is going to believe you? PLEASE, SPEAK UP ! As simple as that.
I am writing this out of experience. Speak your truth whenever you feel that the opportunity is right. Do not let your anxiety stunt your mind or shun your own voice. It may lead to depression and further anxiety. Do not think that you will look or sound like a fool. Be polite first. Talk sense. Think if it’s logical and factual or not. Even if it is not, just say it. You can keep a disclaimer with whatever you express about its uncertainty as well. No need to over-think for too long that it becomes too late to talk about. Other people may take advantage of your silence and it may yield to your disadvantage in ways you cannot comprehend whilst staying silent. Talk to a trusted person first of all, then to the people who you intend to divulge your information or truth to. Be crystal clear in whatever you want to let out of your mouth. When you are completely clear about what you want to say, others can grasp it; if you keep beating around the bush, then most certainly people are not going to take it as the truth. But say it anyway. Different people have different ways, so do you but do it at the right time or you may repent later that you missed the right time and lost a lot with your silence. You have the freedom of speech, use it ! Nobody is important enough to shun you out of your truth.
The dream of a classless and stateless society and a fixed roadmap towards the fulfilment of that goal may remind one of the genius of the first Marxist Karl Marx. Surely, his interpretations of history and class struggle and social discrepancies were skewed towards economic conditions of those times but one who has studied Karl Marx in depth cannot deny that he was both a realist and a utopian idealist. A realist because he depended his theories around the industrial revolution and capitalism rising scenarios which were quite factual of his times, although he forgo a big part of human motivations like culture, communitarianism, geographical conditions and psychology and changes in those spheres with changed areas of locality or nationality, yet he was quite good at planning his theory of class struggle in the history as well as his contemporary times around two existing classes. But when he talked about and interpreted a classless and stateless society, one could easily take him as a utopian theorist because first of all, state was made for the management of the masses and if there would have been a stateless society, there would have been much despised anarchy everywhere and the discrimination that he sought to end could get elevated; secondly, the means he talked about to reach that end i.e. revolution by the proletariat against the bourgeoisie, somehow after being in power the proletariat could take the character of the bourgeoisie and would have begun to abuse that economic power in their hands, thus still the struggle would have persisted with the places exchanged between haves and have-nots where only the people would have exchanged their positions yet the characters of exploitation by haves of have-nots staying stuck that pattern only. The idea of a classless and stateless society was undoubtedly praise-worthy but in a society where the human motivation is not only determined by economic factors but also by the greed to be in power over others, it was certainly utopian because no matter how many people be egalitarian in their approach, still the forces who want to over-power others sustain in society contradictorily to the former and which can be meted out with the struggle for power since times immemorial.
A good life partner is someone almost everybody desires at some point of his/her life. The definition of a ‘good life partner‘ is something subjective to every person, and so is about who ideally the right one. But what is that common characteristic trait or pattern that you should really seek in a life partner and how can you identify the same? Let’s discuss it here in depth-
A good test of knowing who is the right one for you is that the wrong one will keep you stuck or bring your ego (rational part of consciousness) to your id level i.e. seduction, sex, jealousy, vengeance, anger, insignificant or one-sided or two or multi-faceted competition, aggression, physical neediness and desires. That actually is already in you by birth, which is later on suppressed due to development of healthy ego (rationality). It does not need to be evoked by someone else. If a person evokes any of these desires in you more than you need to, then that person is not the right one for you, because if you stay inclined to this state of mind for the majority of span of time or energy, then you can barely do something that your super-ego wants you to do.
Specially when you have developed knowledge of your own super-ego i.e. your morals, values, principles, what makes you feel guilty, conscientiousness, etc., and you live in this realm most of the time, then it is difficult for you to shift your energy towards id. Release of id is also important but the right person for you will never drive you in that state forcefully and will not behave in such a way that brings your focus (ego’s work) to id every now and then, with fluctuations in his/her own behaviour.
This analysis is just a small portion of the whole criteria that one can set for recognizing the right partner for them. We will discuss more later on.