“There will be times when you will be speaking the truth and nobody will believe you, and then, there will be times when you won’t be able to speak about it and many people would like to know about it.“
Society works like this only. People have the tendency to go against your free will. They would like you to explain yourself in front of them to do something that is your right, like they are an authority over you. You really owe explanations to a few people including your family members and closest friends for a few of your actions that may affect them directly or indirectly, but what about other friends who just observe what you do and have something to say about it always even when nothing you do concerns them? What if your neighbourers or colleagues want to know the deals going on in your life with others despite you trying to keep it private from them? AND what if you want to tell something to any of them, and none of them believes what you have to say? It certainly becomes exhausting when others think that they know your truth or THE TRUTH better than you do. You try to explain yourself over and over again, everybody turns a deaf ear to you but when you get tired of all the things you go through and turn silent, then all of a sudden the same people who disregard your truth become interested in knowing why you became so silent.
Due to this kind of communication gap and lack of understanding and timing, people go through episodes of depression as they are unable to share their problems openly to anyone at the right time bravely (fear of judgements) but when they learn to live with those problems or solve them on their own, then others want to know about them just out of curiosity. Those who really lend an ear do not do it out of curiosity but for understanding the other person but those people are rare to find. A person may shut out and shut down due to fear of being misunderstood or misjudged and it may lead to further misunderstandings with even those people and at those place where they were never meant to happen.
What to do when you have something to say and you feel like you have lost your voice as you think that nobody is going to believe you? PLEASE, SPEAK UP ! As simple as that.
I am writing this out of experience. Speak your truth whenever you feel that the opportunity is right. Do not let your anxiety stunt your mind or shun your own voice. It may lead to depression and further anxiety. Do not think that you will look or sound like a fool. Be polite first. Talk sense. Think if it’s logical and factual or not. Even if it is not, just say it. You can keep a disclaimer with whatever you express about its uncertainty as well. No need to over-think for too long that it becomes too late to talk about. Other people may take advantage of your silence and it may yield to your disadvantage in ways you cannot comprehend whilst staying silent. Talk to a trusted person first of all, then to the people who you intend to divulge your information or truth to. Be crystal clear in whatever you want to let out of your mouth. When you are completely clear about what you want to say, others can grasp it; if you keep beating around the bush, then most certainly people are not going to take it as the truth. But say it anyway. Different people have different ways, so do you but do it at the right time or you may repent later that you missed the right time and lost a lot with your silence. You have the freedom of speech, use it ! Nobody is important enough to shun you out of your truth.
A good life partner is someone almost everybody desires at some point of his/her life. The definition of a ‘good life partner‘ is something subjective to every person, and so is about who ideally the right one. But what is that common characteristic trait or pattern that you should really seek in a life partner and how can you identify the same? Let’s discuss it here in depth-
A good test of knowing who is the right one for you is that the wrong one will keep you stuck or bring your ego (rational part of consciousness) to your id level i.e. seduction, sex, jealousy, vengeance, anger, insignificant or one-sided or two or multi-faceted competition, aggression, physical neediness and desires. That actually is already in you by birth, which is later on suppressed due to development of healthy ego (rationality). It does not need to be evoked by someone else. If a person evokes any of these desires in you more than you need to, then that person is not the right one for you, because if you stay inclined to this state of mind for the majority of span of time or energy, then you can barely do something that your super-ego wants you to do.
Specially when you have developed knowledge of your own super-ego i.e. your morals, values, principles, what makes you feel guilty, conscientiousness, etc., and you live in this realm most of the time, then it is difficult for you to shift your energy towards id. Release of id is also important but the right person for you will never drive you in that state forcefully and will not behave in such a way that brings your focus (ego’s work) to id every now and then, with fluctuations in his/her own behaviour.
This analysis is just a small portion of the whole criteria that one can set for recognizing the right partner for them. We will discuss more later on.
Why some people prefer to stay alone despite having great personalities? Why some people are loners despite having a friendly nature? Why some people stay isolated for long periods of time despite having too many people on their social media platforms and big families? Apart from extreme introversion, what can the reason be and why do they prefer loneliness?? The answer lies in this saying “Better alone than in bad company.” No matter how you feel, you need to stay away from bad people. Bad here refers to both bad vibes and bad behaviour. Sometimes, no matter how much good you try to see in people, sooner or later, they show their true colours. You might feel that it’s too late to cut them off of your life because you have gotten attached to them or have a common business or you need them professionally; but to be stable and protect your sanity, you will have to get rid of people who can bring any kind of negativity in you. Some gossip to you, some gossip about you. Some poke and prod on your boundaries; physical, emotional or mental. Even if you make it very clear time and again that you want them to be completely absent from your life, they don’t, they still want to get negative attention from you. Some find irritating you as something funny. Some think that their unhealthy or psychotic ways are just a way to show love. Some think that nudging here and there, taunting, is okay. Some think that commenting on your lifestyle is casual. But trust me, if you are a sensitive yet strong person, you can and you have to cut them all off your life, no matter how hard it seems to you, and no matter how difficult they make it for you. When you have got a mind and body naturally capable of doing everything, you can live alone till the right ones who behave the right way come to you. Behaving the right way depends on how you want to be behaved with, and not how others think they should behave and if somebody does not behave or treat you the way you want to be treated, then you have to cut them off of your life, sometimes permanently if somebody doesn’t get your point or gets it and still carries on with their immature, toxic and stupid behaviour. You also have got things to do, live your life freely and grow. They will also try to manipulate you or use you in the name of integrity, but your inner integrity should be stronger than anybody else’s manipulation. Your growth should not be stunted by any bad influence by others on you; and their behaviour is not your responsibility, its theirs and thus it’s not your responsibility to carry on with their toxicity and tolerate it, rather it’s your responsibility towards yourself to cut off such people from your life even if you have to live alone.
Sometimes, you don’t get how to treat people. It happens to all of us and many a times in our life. People hurt you, some unknowingly and slme out of choice. But let’s talk here about those who hurt you by choice. They who leave you hurting, don’t really deserve to come back to you when you are healing or healed. But what to do when they try to come back into your life indirectly? Allow them to stab at the wound again; or test your tolerance or patience; or leave them n mind your own business? People generally know what they have done, they are either stupid or over-smart not to admit it or they grow mature enough to make it right but you can’t tell which way it’s going to be unless you put your peace of mind at stake again. You have to decide if you are left with that much tolerance level to let that hurt be brought up again, or put it to an end. It depends on you, everything, and on your energy level. If you feel drained or you have tried for too many times, then there is no need to put yourself out there and run in circles as you know that you will get no desired outcome but if you feel that you want to be there one more time, then go ahead; it’s your life and only you get to decide what you want to do with it; but keep somebody’s character in your mind. Behaviour may change but deep set character does not, because it is built over years and the neurological pathway becomes more than complex in their adopted patterns only, so before proceeding further and trying one more time ask yourself “Is that person really worth it?” “Is that person going to give me what I need??” If even in the back of your mind, the answer is no, you should prevent yourself from wasting yourself with one another attempt either of yourself or them.
Those feelings… The lovely feelings and the moment you realise that you have something more than just a friendship or liking for someone. It feels blissful !! But then dwells in nervousness and a hell lot of anxiety when you start thinking about what to do about your feelings and your mind bombards you with tons of questions and fears. First of all, you are just not capable of understanding the true nature of your feelings. Even when after a lot of insight, you do understand it, you are not capable of putting forward those feelings to that person. Sometimes, it feels like you are going to explode with that much pressure of keeping them to yourself. What to do at that exact moment?? Confess it!! Yes, confess your love or liking the very moment you realize it. I know some of you might be thinking that it’s downright silly and some might put a lot of thought into it regarding what it’s outcome can be.
But, did you ever think that it might be too late?? Yes, it can be. Here are some reasons for why confession of love is always going to end up in your favour:
Maybe that person has the same feelings for you and he/she is just as nervous as you are and is over-thinking it like you. And if you confess it first, it is going to end up in your union.
Maybe that person has no such feelings at the present moment but he/she may have if you put up some efforts and make them feel your love. Confession of love or liking is the straight and simple first step here.
Maybe it will not end up in your union but still you will get rid of the extra-burden of unsaid feelings that are over-whelming you.
It’s always beautiful to spread love. Even if they cannot reciprocate your feelings, they will feel good about it and will end up liking you more than before.
You will have no regrets because, at least, you tried.
But before confessing that be sure what kind of feelings they are; whether it’s just attraction, liking, lust or love. Recognize your feelings first and confess only what you feel. No understatement. No exaggeration. Trust me, you will feel good in the end.