Did you say “Go with the flow” and still acted different? -An Eye-Opening Monologue.

silhouette of people on beach during sunset

Hey folks.. 🙂 How are you feeling today? What are you thinking about now? Did you check your energy? Is it in flow or being controlled by you? Let’s talk about it in general. Some people know how to let their energy flow and let others’ energy flow easily as well without trying to re-direct or control it. But, some people still have not learnt how to let the energy flow freely and let things align for those whose energy is flowing freely. It’s for those people- If you have not learnt anything, at least, do not hamper other’s energy, path and blessings. I have been seeing some of the behaviours repeating year after years, and it’s quite obvious that people do not learn from experiences. You can learn if you want to. Just feel your own energy and apply some logic to it. I know that it’s easier said than done. Nobody can control one’s own emotions many of the times, but, look at it like this- if you didn’t get the desired outcome while repeating the same behaviour over and over again, how much it is likely to have the desired outcome now out of the same behaviour?? Again.. It is easier to say all this than applying it to oneself. Been there, done that. But at least think about it. Which cycle you are repeating again?? Which loop you are continuing now that just keeps your life in an abyss of doubts about yourself and others?? If some things, behaviour, people didn’t serve you for your welfare and progress in the past, how much likely are they to serve for the same now??

Also, some of you really preach others to go with the flow but when it comes to you, you do not know how your own energy is flowing; which direction it is flowing in; and, consciously or subconsciously, you also try to stop or misdirect others flow as well.

Kindly, stop doing this ! Analyse yourself. Analyse exactly what you want and/or who you want. And then, go for it. If it works, then great; if it doesn’t or didn’t, then move on. But, for your own sake and others, stop making your insecurities or past experiences of love or hatred with someone make you do things that you should not do at all according to your current circumstances. If you are sure of your decisions that you have taken that have led you to your present situation, then you are not going to do the confusing things. And, if you are unsure about the decisions taken, then change those decisions first and then act on your current feelings.

It’s not good that you try to change other’s permanent decisions based on your own temporary feelings and emotions that keep on fluctuating; If you are doing this, you are just trying to control someone just because you lack in self-control.

HEALTHY COMPETITION- What is it and how to be a healthy competitor?

battle black blur board game
“Compete with purpose, or not at all”-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.

Competition is in all of us, whether one admits abour it or not. Some are openly competitive and some secretly. Some people find competition in minor things and some compete for big goals. Some people compete with one or two people and some with a block of population or in their guild.

But..How many people are healthy competitors or have healthy competition streak?? You must think about it. Let’s crack the code.

DECLARED VERSUS UNDECLARED COMPETITION-

basketball team stacking hands together
Well defined competitions are well competed-Your Choicest Lifestyle.

When a competition is clearly defined and declared to you and you have accepted it openly because it serves your desire to be a part of it, then it’s a healthy competition, be it related to any field and be it against a single person or a group or a population (population here refers to the people having one similar standard set as the dependent variable for their competition and not the whole population); but if the competition is undeclared and the person you are consciously or sub-consciously competing with has little to no idea about it or they are not on the same page with you, then your competitive streak is outrightly unhealthy and you may even prove yourself to be a fool by being in that dynamic over and over again.

PURPOSEFUL VERSUS PURPOSELESS COMPETITION-

colorful cutouts of the word purpose
Purpose helps in creating respect for competition-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.

When a competition serves any of your purpose in making your life better or improving your personality, then it is surely healthy but if your competitive streak hits your psyche only when you see somebody else doing something good or better than you and you feel like competing with them, although it doesn’t serve any of your desired purpose of self-improvement in the long run, then it obviously is unhealthy competition. The latter competition arises out of inner lack of worth and envy and jealousy towards the person secretly being competed with.

CONSCIOUS VERSUS SUB-CONSCIOUS/UNCONSCIOUS COMPETITION-

people running during daytime
Mindfulness (using logic) is required for respecting one’s time and energy- YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.

When a competition is entered into by and after putting a good amount of conscious thought and then decided upon to enter into it, it is a healthy one because this way your logical side is allowing you to invest your time and energy into it; but a competition is sub-conscious i.e. you tend to compete with people (be it anyone) out of impulse and without putting a good thought into it, then it is unhealthy for you, as first of all, you are not even recognising that you are competing; you may be imitating other(s), trying to look, feel and prove to be better than other(s) and you may have no to little idea about it. It may arise out of sub-conscious envy or jealousy or need for validation from other people to be recognised as better than the other person, although the persons you compete with may have no idea about it. This is downright wastage of both, your time and energy. One needs to be mindful and careful before entering into any kind of competition because it takes a great deal of one’s time and energy.

COMPETITION WITH ONESELF VERSUS COMPETITION WITH OTHERS-

man in black suit achieved an accomplishment
You can never win from everyone, but you can always win from your past self-YOUR CHOICEST LIFESTYLE.

When one competes with one’s past self and tries to improve upon one’s previously achieved standards, then it is surely healthy, be it in any realm of life-career, education, health and fitness, money, social service, etc.; but if one always or mostly competes with other(s) and never tries to figure out and improve upon oneself, then it is unhealthy because then that person is just trying to meet the standards set by the one/ones whom he/she is competing with, although that other person may not have any clue about it, or even if any other person has created competition, it is unhealthy to compete with them or join them because it is not going to serve one anything and may lead one to be exhausted in the end while fueling the energy (probably unhealthy ego) of the other (who has instigated one to compete with them).

So, how to be a healthy competitor?? Always keep in mind your purpose, be conscious and highly logical about where to put your time and energy, have a strong purpose in mind, and preferably compete with your older self while entering into any kind of competition. Life is too short to waste on unhealthy competitions and to deal with mentally unhealthy people who mostly want to drag you into their self-created unconscious competitions.

Emotional Pain-Tolerance and Reactivity.

adult alone anxious black and white

Emotional Pain is something that we all go through being humans moving through life’s ups and downs. But not all of us handle the emotional pain in the same way and even the same person handles it differently at different times during different kinds of circumstances. The patterns involved can be various but let’s talk about the main difference between people having high emotional tolerance and those having low level of it.

The former reacts to the painful situation when it becomes unbearable; whereas the latter reacts the same way even at the hint of pain or at most, at the initiation of a painful event.

Illustratively, emotionally highly tolerant people have the experience(s) of a deep wound(s), which opens up and bleeds every time it’s touched, poked, hit or exposed i.e. emotionally it gets triggered but they get accustomed to tolerating that much pain, so they take it as their normal and generally do not react to what actually normal people would react to to a good extent; 

Whereas emotionally lowly tolerant people have little to no such wound and they become afraid even at the thought of having any wound, so they act dramatically in order to evade from any kind of pain; they show pain which is the bare minimum for other normal people which actually can be too much for them because their threshold of emotional tolerance is quite low.

Because of this, one shall never judge other’s pain based on their reactions. Some people are natually highly reactive, others are experiencially highly tolerant.

If somebody is laughing, it doesn’t mean that they are not in pain;

If somebody is silent, it doesn’t mean that they are in pain;

If somebody is in pain, it doesn’t mean they cannot or won’t react;

If somebody is reacting, it doesn’t mean that they are or are not in pain.

Pain cannot be described and treated by others with rules set in stone. As much as pain is subjective, so is its expression.

Does your pain entitle you to offend others?

woman looking at sea while sitting on beach

“Take it easy!”,”Chill !!” – The phrases you often listen to whenever you react to someone’s statements that can offend boundaries set by you in your relation to that person. Such a person might be a total stranger, a colleague, relative, friend or lover. What boundaries you have set in your dealings with that person are not meant to be crossed for any reason whatsoever. They might give you the random chill in your spine by intimadating you or might lead your temper to rise or may make you numb in a way that you stay stunned about what to say or how to respond to such a stimulus.

And when you react to it with anger or even affirm your boundaries again, then they try to teach you how to chill and not to take life too seriously. Sometimes, they affirm you that they have gone through great ordeals that you have no idea about and still they are capable of playing around. Actually, they are just playing around with their words or even emotions but seldom logic. Their pain does not entitle them to offend you. If their words are hurting your emotions or sentiments or feelings or you are plainly feeling misunderstood or made fun of or taken advantage of or manipulated with, it’s an offence to your person and their own pain is no excuse to inflict any pain upon you.

For a moment, you might give them another chance by giving due regard to their suffering as a benefit of doubt but that kind of behaviour might continue if not opposed or stopped at the first instance. They might play hooky under the veil of their pain or anger but it is not acceptable because you are not responsible for that pain and thus, it’s also not your duty to tolerate it for any measure.

For opposing or making it stop, you do not need to play the same. You don’t need to play mind games or get angry or play the blame game or be pitiful in any way. Be sympathetic and neutral simultaneously in whatever you say and the tone in which you say it.

For example; say

  • “I have no idea what you have gone through but your pain does not entitle you to offend me and I found your behaviour offensive to my boundaries”
  • “I would like to understand your reasons but still your this action/behaviour is unacceptable to me.”
  • “I did not offend you, and I would appreciate it if you reciprocate the same.”
  • “How would you feel if I offend your boundaries and then give excuse of my pain?”
    And, if he or she still does not stop or get even more offensive or aggressive or passive aggressive then be a little more strict and say “Would you understand my dignified silence or you want me to react like you have reacted?”

What you say should be clear, and should give them a message that their behaviour is unacceptable whatever might be the reason behind it. But do not trigger their emotions or do anything to hurt them as it might worsen the situation altogether. Keep calm and be firm and unprejudiced in your approach.

Love-When it should be confessed?

woman doing hand heart sign

Those feelings… The lovely feelings and the moment you realise that you have something more than just a friendship or liking for someone. It feels blissful !! But then dwells in nervousness and a hell lot of anxiety when you start thinking about what to do about your feelings and your mind bombards you with tons of questions and fears. First of all, you are just not capable of understanding the true nature of your feelings. Even when after a lot of insight, you do understand it, you are not capable of putting forward those feelings to that person. Sometimes, it feels like you are going to explode with that much pressure of keeping them to yourself. What to do at that exact moment?? Confess it!! Yes, confess your love or liking the very moment you realize it. I know some of you might be thinking that it’s downright silly and some might put a lot of thought into it regarding what it’s outcome can be.

But, did you ever think that it might be too late?? Yes, it can be. Here are some reasons for why confession of love is always going to end up in your favour:

  • Maybe that person has the same feelings for you and he/she is just as nervous as you are and is over-thinking it like you. And if you confess it first, it is going to end up in your union.
  • Maybe that person has no such feelings at the present moment but he/she may have if you put up some efforts and make them feel your love. Confession of love or liking is the straight and simple first step here.
  • Maybe it will not end up in your union but still you will get rid of the extra-burden of unsaid feelings that are over-whelming you.
  • It’s always beautiful to spread love. Even if they cannot reciprocate your feelings, they will feel good about it and will end up liking you more than before.
  • You will have no regrets because, at least, you tried.

But before confessing that be sure what kind of feelings they are; whether it’s just attraction, liking, lust or love. Recognize your feelings first and confess only what you feel. No understatement. No exaggeration. Trust me, you will feel good in the end.