“There will be times when you will be speaking the truth and nobody will believe you, and then, there will be times when you won’t be able to speak about it and many people would like to know about it.“
Society works like this only. People have the tendency to go against your free will. They would like you to explain yourself in front of them to do something that is your right, like they are an authority over you. You really owe explanations to a few people including your family members and closest friends for a few of your actions that may affect them directly or indirectly, but what about other friends who just observe what you do and have something to say about it always even when nothing you do concerns them? What if your neighbourers or colleagues want to know the deals going on in your life with others despite you trying to keep it private from them? AND what if you want to tell something to any of them, and none of them believes what you have to say? It certainly becomes exhausting when others think that they know your truth or THE TRUTH better than you do. You try to explain yourself over and over again, everybody turns a deaf ear to you but when you get tired of all the things you go through and turn silent, then all of a sudden the same people who disregard your truth become interested in knowing why you became so silent.
Due to this kind of communication gap and lack of understanding and timing, people go through episodes of depression as they are unable to share their problems openly to anyone at the right time bravely (fear of judgements) but when they learn to live with those problems or solve them on their own, then others want to know about them just out of curiosity. Those who really lend an ear do not do it out of curiosity but for understanding the other person but those people are rare to find. A person may shut out and shut down due to fear of being misunderstood or misjudged and it may lead to further misunderstandings with even those people and at those place where they were never meant to happen.
What to do when you have something to say and you feel like you have lost your voice as you think that nobody is going to believe you? PLEASE, SPEAK UP ! As simple as that.
I am writing this out of experience. Speak your truth whenever you feel that the opportunity is right. Do not let your anxiety stunt your mind or shun your own voice. It may lead to depression and further anxiety. Do not think that you will look or sound like a fool. Be polite first. Talk sense. Think if it’s logical and factual or not. Even if it is not, just say it. You can keep a disclaimer with whatever you express about its uncertainty as well. No need to over-think for too long that it becomes too late to talk about. Other people may take advantage of your silence and it may yield to your disadvantage in ways you cannot comprehend whilst staying silent. Talk to a trusted person first of all, then to the people who you intend to divulge your information or truth to. Be crystal clear in whatever you want to let out of your mouth. When you are completely clear about what you want to say, others can grasp it; if you keep beating around the bush, then most certainly people are not going to take it as the truth. But say it anyway. Different people have different ways, so do you but do it at the right time or you may repent later that you missed the right time and lost a lot with your silence. You have the freedom of speech, use it ! Nobody is important enough to shun you out of your truth.
“Take it easy!”,”Chill !!” – The phrases you often listen to whenever you react to someone’s statements that can offend boundaries set by you in your relation to that person. Such a person might be a total stranger, a colleague, relative, friend or lover. What boundaries you have set in your dealings with that person are not meant to be crossed for any reason whatsoever. They might give you the random chill in your spine by intimadating you or might lead your temper to rise or may make you numb in a way that you stay stunned about what to say or how to respond to such a stimulus.
And when you react to it with anger or even affirm your boundaries again, then they try to teach you how to chill and not to take life too seriously. Sometimes, they affirm you that they have gone through great ordeals that you have no idea about and still they are capable of playing around. Actually, they are just playing around with their words or even emotions but seldom logic. Their pain does not entitle them to offend you. If their words are hurting your emotions or sentiments or feelings or you are plainly feeling misunderstood or made fun of or taken advantage of or manipulated with, it’s an offence to your person and their own pain is no excuse to inflict any pain upon you.
For a moment, you might give them another chance by giving due regard to their suffering as a benefit of doubt but that kind of behaviour might continue if not opposed or stopped at the first instance. They might play hooky under the veil of their pain or anger but it is not acceptable because you are not responsible for that pain and thus, it’s also not your duty to tolerate it for any measure.
For opposing or making it stop, you do not need to play the same. You don’t need to play mind games or get angry or play the blame game or be pitiful in any way. Be sympathetic and neutral simultaneously in whatever you say and the tone in which you say it.
For example; say
“I have no idea what you have gone through but your pain does not entitle you to offend me and I found your behaviour offensive to my boundaries”
“I would like to understand your reasons but still your this action/behaviour is unacceptable to me.”
“I did not offend you, and I would appreciate it if you reciprocate the same.”
“How would you feel if I offend your boundaries and then give excuse of my pain?” And, if he or she still does not stop or get even more offensive or aggressive or passive aggressive then be a little more strict and say “Would you understand my dignified silence or you want me to react like you have reacted?”
What you say should be clear, and should give them a message that their behaviour is unacceptable whatever might be the reason behind it. But do not trigger their emotions or do anything to hurt them as it might worsen the situation altogether. Keep calm and be firm and unprejudiced in your approach.
“People like you are meant to achieve great things in life. There are a very few who can bear the emotional burdens like you, of yourself alongwith that of others until you realize that there are also only a very few who can fight like you. You go through the life’s ugly events all by yourself, your self-reliance ignites your fire even the more. You can live alone for the longest time and drown in the deepest waters of sorrow alone and still shine like a fighter, although being thrown daggers at and hated, because you irritate their demons. You deny to have any sympathy from anyone, for that’s equivalent to death to you, although you want somebody to understand you why you do the way you do everything; but it’s difficult for you to trust anyone for sharing your core, so you let anyone slip through your surface and never let many touch even a second layer, making it impossible to reach the core. The day you were fighting like the worst enemy to a few and cutting many away was the day your father had died. Your that wound being irreparable was something you could not tell anyone about, not family, not any friend, sulking in grief all alone. Then came their daggers hitting right at the wrong nerves of loss of people, family and love, that too at the wrong time. But you still could not explain it, who gives explanation to the offender? You broke, for sure, but only you know how you fight when you are completely broken. Did it happen till date that you let the ugliest people by heart take advantage of your good nature? Yes, it happened, it happened a lot but only to the point you decided not to bear it anymore. And when you decide to fight, you know what you become, you break everyone who tries to break you and fight like nobody in that state you have known.”
“Being damsel in distress is something you never know, A Lone Knight is what you are and how you stand against any foe.”
If you want to motivate yourself in your darkest times, this is one of the ways how you can motivate yourself. You can enhance your self-talk in a positive manner. You can consider your negative circumstances that took you out of your comfort zone or shell as a catalyst to evoke a fighter’s spirit in you. You can do this every time and most importantly in the crucial or critical time, specially when people try to bring you down on purpose. You know how strong you are, you need to show it to others as well and show what kind of a fighting spirit you have, the one who will break everyone who will try to break you and the one who will eliminate anyone who will try to control you or try to make you feel any lesser than you are. You owe nobody anything. You give them anything out of love and tolerate their weakness when you want to but they should know that you do it out of choice and not out of pressure. You do what you need to do and what you want to do but not what others want to impose on you. When your core is stronger than anyone can imagine, you can stand strong for your rights and against anybody who offends you or your rights.