Why some people prefer to stay alone despite having great personalities? Why some people are loners despite having a friendly nature? Why some people stay isolated for long periods of time despite having too many people on their social media platforms and big families? Apart from extreme introversion, what can the reason be and why do they prefer loneliness?? The answer lies in this saying “Better alone than in bad company.” No matter how you feel, you need to stay away from bad people. Bad here refers to both bad vibes and bad behaviour. Sometimes, no matter how much good you try to see in people, sooner or later, they show their true colours. You might feel that it’s too late to cut them off of your life because you have gotten attached to them or have a common business or you need them professionally; but to be stable and protect your sanity, you will have to get rid of people who can bring any kind of negativity in you. Some gossip to you, some gossip about you. Some poke and prod on your boundaries; physical, emotional or mental. Even if you make it very clear time and again that you want them to be completely absent from your life, they don’t, they still want to get negative attention from you. Some find irritating you as something funny. Some think that their unhealthy or psychotic ways are just a way to show love. Some think that nudging here and there, taunting, is okay. Some think that commenting on your lifestyle is casual. But trust me, if you are a sensitive yet strong person, you can and you have to cut them all off your life, no matter how hard it seems to you, and no matter how difficult they make it for you. When you have got a mind and body naturally capable of doing everything, you can live alone till the right ones who behave the right way come to you. Behaving the right way depends on how you want to be behaved with, and not how others think they should behave and if somebody does not behave or treat you the way you want to be treated, then you have to cut them off of your life, sometimes permanently if somebody doesn’t get your point or gets it and still carries on with their immature, toxic and stupid behaviour. You also have got things to do, live your life freely and grow. They will also try to manipulate you or use you in the name of integrity, but your inner integrity should be stronger than anybody else’s manipulation. Your growth should not be stunted by any bad influence by others on you; and their behaviour is not your responsibility, its theirs and thus it’s not your responsibility to carry on with their toxicity and tolerate it, rather it’s your responsibility towards yourself to cut off such people from your life even if you have to live alone.
Competition is in all of us, whether one admits abour it or not. Some are openly competitive and some secretly. Some people find competition in minor things and some compete for big goals. Some people compete with one or two people and some with a block of population or in their guild.
But..How many people are healthy competitors or have healthy competition streak?? You must think about it. Let’s crack the code.
DECLARED VERSUS UNDECLARED COMPETITION-
When a competition is clearly defined and declared to you and you have accepted it openly because it serves your desire to be a part of it, then it’s a healthy competition, be it related to any field and be it against a single person or a group or a population (population here refers to the people having one similar standard set as the dependent variable for their competition and not the whole population); but if the competition is undeclared and the person you are consciously or sub-consciously competing with has little to no idea about it or they are not on the same page with you, then your competitive streak is outrightly unhealthy and you may even prove yourself to be a fool by being in that dynamic over and over again.
PURPOSEFUL VERSUS PURPOSELESS COMPETITION-
When a competition serves any of your purpose in making your life better or improving your personality, then it is surely healthy but if your competitive streak hits your psyche only when you see somebody else doing something good or better than you and you feel like competing with them, although it doesn’t serve any of your desired purpose of self-improvement in the long run, then it obviously is unhealthy competition. The latter competition arises out of inner lack of worth and envy and jealousy towards the person secretly being competed with.
CONSCIOUS VERSUS SUB-CONSCIOUS/UNCONSCIOUS COMPETITION-
When a competition is entered into by and after putting a good amount of conscious thought and then decided upon to enter into it, it is a healthy one because this way your logical side is allowing you to invest your time and energy into it; but a competition is sub-conscious i.e. you tend to compete with people (be it anyone) out of impulse and without putting a good thought into it, then it is unhealthy for you, as first of all, you are not even recognising that you are competing; you may be imitating other(s), trying to look, feel and prove to be better than other(s) and you may have no to little idea about it. It may arise out of sub-conscious envy or jealousy or need for validation from other people to be recognised as better than the other person, although the persons you compete with may have no idea about it. This is downright wastage of both, your time and energy. One needs to be mindful and careful before entering into any kind of competition because it takes a great deal of one’s time and energy.
COMPETITION WITH ONESELF VERSUS COMPETITION WITH OTHERS-
When one competes with one’s past self and tries to improve upon one’s previously achieved standards, then it is surely healthy, be it in any realm of life-career, education, health and fitness, money, social service, etc.; but if one always or mostly competes with other(s) and never tries to figure out and improve upon oneself, then it is unhealthy because then that person is just trying to meet the standards set by the one/ones whom he/she is competing with, although that other person may not have any clue about it, or even if any other person has created competition, it is unhealthy to compete with them or join them because it is not going to serve one anything and may lead one to be exhausted in the end while fueling the energy (probably unhealthy ego) of the other (who has instigated one to compete with them).
So, how to be a healthy competitor?? Always keep in mind your purpose, be conscious and highly logical about where to put your time and energy, have a strong purpose in mind, and preferably compete with your older self while entering into any kind of competition. Life is too short to waste on unhealthy competitions and to deal with mentally unhealthy people who mostly want to drag you into their self-created unconscious competitions.
Sometimes, you don’t get how to treat people. It happens to all of us and many a times in our life. People hurt you, some unknowingly and slme out of choice. But let’s talk here about those who hurt you by choice. They who leave you hurting, don’t really deserve to come back to you when you are healing or healed. But what to do when they try to come back into your life indirectly? Allow them to stab at the wound again; or test your tolerance or patience; or leave them n mind your own business?
People generally know what they have done, they are either stupid or over-smart not to admit it or they grow mature enough to make it right but you can’t tell which way it’s going to be unless you put your peace of mind at stake again. You have to decide if you are left with that much tolerance level to let that hurt be brought up again, or put it to an end. It depends on you, everything, and on your energy level. If you feel drained or you have tried for too many times, then there is no need to put yourself out there and run in circles as you know that you will get no desired outcome but if you feel that you want to be there one more time, then go ahead; it’s your life and only you get to decide what you want to do with it; but keep somebody’s character in your mind. Behaviour may change but deep set character does not, because it is built over years and the neurological pathway becomes more than complex in their adopted patterns only, so before proceeding further and trying one more time ask yourself “Is that person really worth it?” “Is that person going to give me what I need??” If even in the back of your mind, the answer is no, you should prevent yourself from wasting yourself with one another attempt either of yourself or them.
“Take it easy!”,”Chill !!” – The phrases you often listen to whenever you react to someone’s statements that can offend boundaries set by you in your relation to that person. Such a person might be a total stranger, a colleague, relative, friend or lover. What boundaries you have set in your dealings with that person are not meant to be crossed for any reason whatsoever. They might give you the random chill in your spine by intimadating you or might lead your temper to rise or may make you numb in a way that you stay stunned about what to say or how to respond to such a stimulus.
And when you react to it with anger or even affirm your boundaries again, then they try to teach you how to chill and not to take life too seriously. Sometimes, they affirm you that they have gone through great ordeals that you have no idea about and still they are capable of playing around. Actually, they are just playing around with their words or even emotions but seldom logic. Their pain does not entitle them to offend you. If their words are hurting your emotions or sentiments or feelings or you are plainly feeling misunderstood or made fun of or taken advantage of or manipulated with, it’s an offence to your person and their own pain is no excuse to inflict any pain upon you.
For a moment, you might give them another chance by giving due regard to their suffering as a benefit of doubt but that kind of behaviour might continue if not opposed or stopped at the first instance. They might play hooky under the veil of their pain or anger but it is not acceptable because you are not responsible for that pain and thus, it’s also not your duty to tolerate it for any measure.
For opposing or making it stop, you do not need to play the same. You don’t need to play mind games or get angry or play the blame game or be pitiful in any way. Be sympathetic and neutral simultaneously in whatever you say and the tone in which you say it.
For example; say
- “I have no idea what you have gone through but your pain does not entitle you to offend me and I found your behaviour offensive to my boundaries”
- “I would like to understand your reasons but still your this action/behaviour is unacceptable to me.”
- “I did not offend you, and I would appreciate it if you reciprocate the same.”
- “How would you feel if I offend your boundaries and then give excuse of my pain?”
And, if he or she still does not stop or get even more offensive or aggressive or passive aggressive then be a little more strict and say “Would you understand my dignified silence or you want me to react like you have reacted?”
What you say should be clear, and should give them a message that their behaviour is unacceptable whatever might be the reason behind it. But do not trigger their emotions or do anything to hurt them as it might worsen the situation altogether. Keep calm and be firm and unprejudiced in your approach.
Those feelings… The lovely feelings and the moment you realise that you have something more than just a friendship or liking for someone. It feels blissful !! But then dwells in nervousness and a hell lot of anxiety when you start thinking about what to do about your feelings and your mind bombards you with tons of questions and fears. First of all, you are just not capable of understanding the true nature of your feelings. Even when after a lot of insight, you do understand it, you are not capable of putting forward those feelings to that person. Sometimes, it feels like you are going to explode with that much pressure of keeping them to yourself. What to do at that exact moment?? Confess it!! Yes, confess your love or liking the very moment you realize it. I know some of you might be thinking that it’s downright silly and some might put a lot of thought into it regarding what it’s outcome can be.
But, did you ever think that it might be too late?? Yes, it can be. Here are some reasons for why confession of love is always going to end up in your favour:
- Maybe that person has the same feelings for you and he/she is just as nervous as you are and is over-thinking it like you. And if you confess it first, it is going to end up in your union.
- Maybe that person has no such feelings at the present moment but he/she may have if you put up some efforts and make them feel your love. Confession of love or liking is the straight and simple first step here.
- Maybe it will not end up in your union but still you will get rid of the extra-burden of unsaid feelings that are over-whelming you.
- It’s always beautiful to spread love. Even if they cannot reciprocate your feelings, they will feel good about it and will end up liking you more than before.
- You will have no regrets because, at least, you tried.
But before confessing that be sure what kind of feelings they are; whether it’s just attraction, liking, lust or love. Recognize your feelings first and confess only what you feel. No understatement. No exaggeration. Trust me, you will feel good in the end.