“There will be times when you will be speaking the truth and nobody will believe you, and then, there will be times when you won’t be able to speak about it and many people would like to know about it.“
Society works like this only. People have the tendency to go against your free will. They would like you to explain yourself in front of them to do something that is your right, like they are an authority over you. You really owe explanations to a few people including your family members and closest friends for a few of your actions that may affect them directly or indirectly, but what about other friends who just observe what you do and have something to say about it always even when nothing you do concerns them? What if your neighbourers or colleagues want to know the deals going on in your life with others despite you trying to keep it private from them? AND what if you want to tell something to any of them, and none of them believes what you have to say? It certainly becomes exhausting when others think that they know your truth or THE TRUTH better than you do. You try to explain yourself over and over again, everybody turns a deaf ear to you but when you get tired of all the things you go through and turn silent, then all of a sudden the same people who disregard your truth become interested in knowing why you became so silent.
Due to this kind of communication gap and lack of understanding and timing, people go through episodes of depression as they are unable to share their problems openly to anyone at the right time bravely (fear of judgements) but when they learn to live with those problems or solve them on their own, then others want to know about them just out of curiosity. Those who really lend an ear do not do it out of curiosity but for understanding the other person but those people are rare to find. A person may shut out and shut down due to fear of being misunderstood or misjudged and it may lead to further misunderstandings with even those people and at those place where they were never meant to happen.
What to do when you have something to say and you feel like you have lost your voice as you think that nobody is going to believe you? PLEASE, SPEAK UP ! As simple as that.
I am writing this out of experience. Speak your truth whenever you feel that the opportunity is right. Do not let your anxiety stunt your mind or shun your own voice. It may lead to depression and further anxiety. Do not think that you will look or sound like a fool. Be polite first. Talk sense. Think if it’s logical and factual or not. Even if it is not, just say it. You can keep a disclaimer with whatever you express about its uncertainty as well. No need to over-think for too long that it becomes too late to talk about. Other people may take advantage of your silence and it may yield to your disadvantage in ways you cannot comprehend whilst staying silent. Talk to a trusted person first of all, then to the people who you intend to divulge your information or truth to. Be crystal clear in whatever you want to let out of your mouth. When you are completely clear about what you want to say, others can grasp it; if you keep beating around the bush, then most certainly people are not going to take it as the truth. But say it anyway. Different people have different ways, so do you but do it at the right time or you may repent later that you missed the right time and lost a lot with your silence. You have the freedom of speech, use it ! Nobody is important enough to shun you out of your truth.
A good life partner is someone almost everybody desires at some point of his/her life. The definition of a ‘good life partner‘ is something subjective to every person, and so is about who ideally the right one. But what is that common characteristic trait or pattern that you should really seek in a life partner and how can you identify the same? Let’s discuss it here in depth-
A good test of knowing who is the right one for you is that the wrong one will keep you stuck or bring your ego (rational part of consciousness) to your id level i.e. seduction, sex, jealousy, vengeance, anger, insignificant or one-sided or two or multi-faceted competition, aggression, physical neediness and desires. That actually is already in you by birth, which is later on suppressed due to development of healthy ego (rationality). It does not need to be evoked by someone else. If a person evokes any of these desires in you more than you need to, then that person is not the right one for you, because if you stay inclined to this state of mind for the majority of span of time or energy, then you can barely do something that your super-ego wants you to do.
Specially when you have developed knowledge of your own super-ego i.e. your morals, values, principles, what makes you feel guilty, conscientiousness, etc., and you live in this realm most of the time, then it is difficult for you to shift your energy towards id. Release of id is also important but the right person for you will never drive you in that state forcefully and will not behave in such a way that brings your focus (ego’s work) to id every now and then, with fluctuations in his/her own behaviour.
This analysis is just a small portion of the whole criteria that one can set for recognizing the right partner for them. We will discuss more later on.
“Take it easy!”,”Chill !!” – The phrases you often listen to whenever you react to someone’s statements that can offend boundaries set by you in your relation to that person. Such a person might be a total stranger, a colleague, relative, friend or lover. What boundaries you have set in your dealings with that person are not meant to be crossed for any reason whatsoever. They might give you the random chill in your spine by intimadating you or might lead your temper to rise or may make you numb in a way that you stay stunned about what to say or how to respond to such a stimulus.
And when you react to it with anger or even affirm your boundaries again, then they try to teach you how to chill and not to take life too seriously. Sometimes, they affirm you that they have gone through great ordeals that you have no idea about and still they are capable of playing around. Actually, they are just playing around with their words or even emotions but seldom logic. Their pain does not entitle them to offend you. If their words are hurting your emotions or sentiments or feelings or you are plainly feeling misunderstood or made fun of or taken advantage of or manipulated with, it’s an offence to your person and their own pain is no excuse to inflict any pain upon you.
For a moment, you might give them another chance by giving due regard to their suffering as a benefit of doubt but that kind of behaviour might continue if not opposed or stopped at the first instance. They might play hooky under the veil of their pain or anger but it is not acceptable because you are not responsible for that pain and thus, it’s also not your duty to tolerate it for any measure.
For opposing or making it stop, you do not need to play the same. You don’t need to play mind games or get angry or play the blame game or be pitiful in any way. Be sympathetic and neutral simultaneously in whatever you say and the tone in which you say it.
For example; say
“I have no idea what you have gone through but your pain does not entitle you to offend me and I found your behaviour offensive to my boundaries”
“I would like to understand your reasons but still your this action/behaviour is unacceptable to me.”
“I did not offend you, and I would appreciate it if you reciprocate the same.”
“How would you feel if I offend your boundaries and then give excuse of my pain?” And, if he or she still does not stop or get even more offensive or aggressive or passive aggressive then be a little more strict and say “Would you understand my dignified silence or you want me to react like you have reacted?”
What you say should be clear, and should give them a message that their behaviour is unacceptable whatever might be the reason behind it. But do not trigger their emotions or do anything to hurt them as it might worsen the situation altogether. Keep calm and be firm and unprejudiced in your approach.
Those feelings… The lovely feelings and the moment you realise that you have something more than just a friendship or liking for someone. It feels blissful !! But then dwells in nervousness and a hell lot of anxiety when you start thinking about what to do about your feelings and your mind bombards you with tons of questions and fears. First of all, you are just not capable of understanding the true nature of your feelings. Even when after a lot of insight, you do understand it, you are not capable of putting forward those feelings to that person. Sometimes, it feels like you are going to explode with that much pressure of keeping them to yourself. What to do at that exact moment?? Confess it!! Yes, confess your love or liking the very moment you realize it. I know some of you might be thinking that it’s downright silly and some might put a lot of thought into it regarding what it’s outcome can be.
But, did you ever think that it might be too late?? Yes, it can be. Here are some reasons for why confession of love is always going to end up in your favour:
Maybe that person has the same feelings for you and he/she is just as nervous as you are and is over-thinking it like you. And if you confess it first, it is going to end up in your union.
Maybe that person has no such feelings at the present moment but he/she may have if you put up some efforts and make them feel your love. Confession of love or liking is the straight and simple first step here.
Maybe it will not end up in your union but still you will get rid of the extra-burden of unsaid feelings that are over-whelming you.
It’s always beautiful to spread love. Even if they cannot reciprocate your feelings, they will feel good about it and will end up liking you more than before.
You will have no regrets because, at least, you tried.
But before confessing that be sure what kind of feelings they are; whether it’s just attraction, liking, lust or love. Recognize your feelings first and confess only what you feel. No understatement. No exaggeration. Trust me, you will feel good in the end.
When was the last time when you felt low emotionally and it was like your energy levels dropped drastically?? Last month, last week, yesterday, today or everyday?? You might be having depression or mood disorder or might be feeling plainly stressful all the time. In such situations you may or may not be liking to discuss the reasons behind your stress or strain. But anyhow if you try and discuss, you will meet with certain kinds of people and/or responses. You will find out that there would be some people who just want to see you physically fine, they have nothing to do with your mental or emotional well-being while others have nothing to do even with your physical well-being. And there will be a very few gems who want your wellness in both.
Here are some kinds of people and their reactions that you may get to know in such a situation:
PEOPLE WITH INDIFFERENT ATTITUDE
There are some people who are with you only as long as you are capable of putting up a mask of happiness on your face and don’t show any kind of mood instability or stress and when you start showing up your insecurities and weaknesses, they avoid it like preventing themselves from an epidemic. They are the people with “hmmm.. It happens..”, “hmmm.. don’t worry”, “You don’t look good sad like this” kind of responses. I mean like really?? Are they even worthy of your time in general?? Leave alone your good times.
MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE DESIRING TO CONTROL OTHERS
Another category comprises of those who are waiting for you to share something with them just so that they can bestow you with their useless ‘Wise Advice‘ that is not even wise in the first place, but they have to advise anyway. Trust me, they too have nothing to do with your emotional well-being. They are the people with “I had told you”, “I knew this”, “You should do this” kind of responses. And they give you advice that prove their point right that they have always wanted to impose on you. Thanks but no thanks to such people and their ego-serving advice.
STUPID AND INSENSIBLE PEOPLE
And then, there comes another category of people who ‘just laugh out‘ on anything and everything you say. They are listening to you just for passing their free time. In fact, don’t even listen to you completely and are not interested in understanding you or your situation anyway.
TRULY WISE PEOPLE
There are barely any people who can ‘JUST LISTEN‘ and do nothing else unless asked for something !! They are truly wise people who understand that you are alone and you need to be listened to. They do not advise you unless you ask them to do so. They are the ‘real treasure‘. If there are any other kinds of people that you have met in such a situation, then do let me know in the comments section.