Why some people prefer to stay alone despite having great personalities? Why some people are loners despite having a friendly nature? Why some people stay isolated for long periods of time despite having too many people on their social media platforms and big families? Apart from extreme introversion, what can the reason be and why do they prefer loneliness?? The answer lies in this saying “Better alone than in bad company.” No matter how you feel, you need to stay away from bad people. Bad here refers to both bad vibes and bad behaviour. Sometimes, no matter how much good you try to see in people, sooner or later, they show their true colours. You might feel that it’s too late to cut them off of your life because you have gotten attached to them or have a common business or you need them professionally; but to be stable and protect your sanity, you will have to get rid of people who can bring any kind of negativity in you. Some gossip to you, some gossip about you. Some poke and prod on your boundaries; physical, emotional or mental. Even if you make it very clear time and again that you want them to be completely absent from your life, they don’t, they still want to get negative attention from you. Some find irritating you as something funny. Some think that their unhealthy or psychotic ways are just a way to show love. Some think that nudging here and there, taunting, is okay. Some think that commenting on your lifestyle is casual. But trust me, if you are a sensitive yet strong person, you can and you have to cut them all off your life, no matter how hard it seems to you, and no matter how difficult they make it for you. When you have got a mind and body naturally capable of doing everything, you can live alone till the right ones who behave the right way come to you. Behaving the right way depends on how you want to be behaved with, and not how others think they should behave and if somebody does not behave or treat you the way you want to be treated, then you have to cut them off of your life, sometimes permanently if somebody doesn’t get your point or gets it and still carries on with their immature, toxic and stupid behaviour. You also have got things to do, live your life freely and grow. They will also try to manipulate you or use you in the name of integrity, but your inner integrity should be stronger than anybody else’s manipulation. Your growth should not be stunted by any bad influence by others on you; and their behaviour is not your responsibility, its theirs and thus it’s not your responsibility to carry on with their toxicity and tolerate it, rather it’s your responsibility towards yourself to cut off such people from your life even if you have to live alone.
Work smart, not hard.” I am sure that you have come across this saying at least once by now, or if you are following quotation pages on any kind of social media platforms, then more than once. But what does it exactly mean? Does smart work replace hard work everywhere and in every task? Can it do so? What if something needs to be done with high precision? What if even after having enough tools and sources of accomplishing a task smartly, you still cannot complete it without paying attention to every single detail and without putting all your efforts and time into it? Actually, only smart work works only in a few thing, that too, if its already done once by somebody else. You can really make and do something smartly by using the available gadgets and information for doing something but the hard work required to do that thing cannot always be replaced by smartness. For example, if you have to make an architectural design of a house, you can have access to and use all the applications on computer to make the design but won’t you have to use your mind and take your time to make an original design through to its perfection? You will have to. Let’s take another example, if you are preparing for an exam and you have access to all the information required to get good grades in that exam and you know what is more important and what is not so important keeping in mind the previous patterns of that exam but what if the old questions don’t repeat again? You will certainly get lower grade than expected. Here, if you would have studied the whole of the syllabus rather than considering only a good portion crucial for preparation, you could have gotten better grades. Let’s take one more example- suppose you are an artist and you know what you want to paint on a canvass, you have seen many tutorials on the internet about how to do it in simpler and easier manner, but still you will have to put all of your efforts to paint it according to your chosen style and desired end product and it may take you days, weeks, or even months for its completion.
What I am pressing upon here is it’s not always that you can choose smart work over hard work. One needs to coagulate smart work with hard with in order to excel in anything. Choosing smart work over hard work for everything may make your end product or outcome mediocre sometimes because it’s already tried and tested by somebody else. While choosing only hard work may be hectic and overly pressing on you, choosing only smart work may be too easy and useless; achieving excellence and getting exceptional results in anything needs both hard and smart work in consonance with each-other.
Sometimes, you don’t get how to treat people. It happens to all of us and many a times in our life. People hurt you, some unknowingly and slme out of choice. But let’s talk here about those who hurt you by choice. They who leave you hurting, don’t really deserve to come back to you when you are healing or healed. But what to do when they try to come back into your life indirectly? Allow them to stab at the wound again; or test your tolerance or patience; or leave them n mind your own business?
People generally know what they have done, they are either stupid or over-smart not to admit it or they grow mature enough to make it right but you can’t tell which way it’s going to be unless you put your peace of mind at stake again. You have to decide if you are left with that much tolerance level to let that hurt be brought up again, or put it to an end. It depends on you, everything, and on your energy level. If you feel drained or you have tried for too many times, then there is no need to put yourself out there and run in circles as you know that you will get no desired outcome but if you feel that you want to be there one more time, then go ahead; it’s your life and only you get to decide what you want to do with it; but keep somebody’s character in your mind. Behaviour may change but deep set character does not, because it is built over years and the neurological pathway becomes more than complex in their adopted patterns only, so before proceeding further and trying one more time ask yourself “Is that person really worth it?” “Is that person going to give me what I need??” If even in the back of your mind, the answer is no, you should prevent yourself from wasting yourself with one another attempt either of yourself or them.
When was the last time when you felt low emotionally and it was like your energy levels dropped drastically?? Last month, last week, yesterday, today or everyday?? You might be having depression or mood disorder or might be feeling plainly stressful all the time. In such situations you may or may not be liking to discuss the reasons behind your stress or strain. But anyhow if you try and discuss, you will meet with certain kinds of people and/or responses. You will find out that there would be some people who just want to see you physically fine, they have nothing to do with your mental or emotional well-being while others have nothing to do even with your physical well-being. And there will be a very few gems who want your wellness in both.
Here are some kinds of people and their reactions that you may get to know in such a situation:
- PEOPLE WITH INDIFFERENT ATTITUDE
There are some people who are with you only as long as you are capable of putting up a mask of happiness on your face and don’t show any kind of mood instability or stress and when you start showing up your insecurities and weaknesses, they avoid it like preventing themselves from an epidemic. They are the people with “hmmm.. It happens..”, “hmmm.. don’t worry”, “You don’t look good sad like this” kind of responses. I mean like really?? Are they even worthy of your time in general?? Leave alone your good times.
- MANIPULATIVE PEOPLE DESIRING TO CONTROL OTHERS
Another category comprises of those who are waiting for you to share something with them just so that they can bestow you with their useless ‘Wise Advice‘ that is not even wise in the first place, but they have to advise anyway. Trust me, they too have nothing to do with your emotional well-being. They are the people with “I had told you”, “I knew this”, “You should do this” kind of responses. And they give you advice that prove their point right that they have always wanted to impose on you. Thanks but no thanks to such people and their ego-serving advice.
- STUPID AND INSENSIBLE PEOPLE
And then, there comes another category of people who ‘just laugh out‘ on anything and everything you say. They are listening to you just for passing their free time. In fact, don’t even listen to you completely and are not interested in understanding you or your situation anyway.
- TRULY WISE PEOPLE
There are barely any people who can ‘JUST LISTEN‘ and do nothing else unless asked for something !! They are truly wise people who understand that you are alone and you need to be listened to. They do not advise you unless you ask them to do so. They are the ‘real treasure‘. If there are any other kinds of people that you have met in such a situation, then do let me know in the comments section.
“Don’t you trust me?” The question often asked to us by someone whom we ask for an explanation for their words or actions. I know that trust is instinctual for most of the people; something that one acknowledges automatically. But, what if someone has serious trust issues in general? I mean, if there is someone who just cannot trust anyone, how would you make that person trust you? Certainly not by pressuring or manipulating like throwing tantrums or accusing that person that he/she has irrational trust issues. NO! Really, a Big No for these ways.
The only way to make someone trust you who has trust issues naturally or due to some past experiences is to be honest with him/her. It might take some extra efforts from your side. You also might have to give them proofs or explanations for your words or actions every single time. You just have to keep calm upon their asking for the proofs or explanations, still, if they can’t trust you, then let it be like that. Don’t get mad at them. They are not doing it intentionally. They are also suffering from mental frustration. But it does not mean that you too have to go through the same kind of frustration or retaliate with the same kind of accusation like “I also don’t trust you”. Try and be polite and stay honest without getting offended upon asking for the explanations.
This will save a lot of time and mental exhaustion for both of you. Over time, they will start trusting you. Believe me, they will !! Because every person needs some adjustment from others in relationships of any kind and if you value them, you would not be dishonest with them in the first place. So, what’s the deal in giving proof for your honesty too. Yes, you may not like or maybe hate to be distrusted but understand that trusting someone may be a pivotal issue for them. They might have gone through certain experiences in which they trusted others and it ended up in shattering or breaking them.
If you think that enforcing them to believe you is going to work. It will not ! Rather they would feel like you are trying to pressure or manipulate them which is going to back-fire and ultimately result in severe trust issues. Only honesty begets trust, nothing else.